Crazy/Beautiful

So, I’ve introduced you to The Boyfriend and Carter, I’ve told you about my years long hiatus and I alluded to the older three kids twice now. I guess it’s time to start getting down to them. However, we should probably start at the beginning… Their Dad.

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

When I was 16, we made a huge inter-province move from BC to Alberta. What was huge about this move was a lot of things – we weren’t moving to Alberta because we wanted to leave BC, I was in my final year of school, I had just gotten out of a long-term (and my first) relationship and we were living closer to more family than we had in many many years.

A few weeks after starting school, I met Alfie, who was at the time imprisoned by a wheelchair after a drunken night resulted in him passing out a little too close to a campfire… Then, I discovered that due to some of the recent transfers of schools and things that had gone down, I was not going to have enough credits to graduate from high school this year or next year or the year after that.

Soon after, I dropped out of school and Alfie and I began seeing each other, at the encouragement of all his friends – not necessarily because either of us really wanted to. I always referred to Alfie and I’s relationship as “the one night stand that just wouldn’t end”, because that’s exactly what we agreed to. We said, “it’s just going to be this one night, this one time” and 6 years, 3 kids and 2 stays at a mental institution is exactly how long it lasted…

I look back on that time now with a great deal of shame, embarrassment, and not regret – because I learnt so many valuable lessons that I couldn’t have learnt any other way – but something akin to regret. The me now doesn’t recognize the me of then and I’m sure Alfie often feels the same way. Together, we were toxic.

Whenever I picture Alfie and I during those years, I think about the movie Crazy, Beautiful. Not necessarily the actual movie or the characters in it, but in the sense that it was an absolutely crazy time and yet somehow there was something beautiful about being in it – and that’s probably why it was so hard for Alfie and I to officially end it.

I remember when we first did end it, the hardest adjustment I had to make was that life didn’t have to be endless drama and arguments, people didn’t have to yell to get their point across, chaos didn’t have to be surrounding you at every moment. To this day, it’s harder for me to deal with the silent treatment than it ever was for me to deal with the verbal abuse.

All that being said, even with the tragedy that was Alfie and I, we made 3 of the most beautiful kids you have ever seen and it’s not always easy and it’s not always the best of the best, but we are still friendly with one another and are determined to raise our kids together.

It took a few years, but here we are now, 6 years later, and between Alfie and The Boyfriend, these kids couldn’t possibly have a better set of Dads!

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