Countdown to Christmas Mumbo Jumbo

My brain is seriously so filled up with stuff. It’s hard to differentiate, at this point, what the stuff that I need to retain is and isn’t. It’s my own fault really.

I can never tell if I really like this brain-filled state or if I really despise it. It’s almost a constant fluctuation between love and hate and maybe that adds to the brain-filled state. Back in the guitar ownership days, this would be a great time to be writing songs. Back in the coding obsession days, this would be a great time to be coding. In today’s day, it’s mostly just thinking and writing a lot about what I want to do and plan to do.

And that’s the part that is most frustrating about it all. Again, it’s my own fault really…

It seems to keep starting with Wikipedia. I go there to find out one thing, just one simple thing. It’s just something I want a quick answer to or that I’m curious about. Today, it was Oak Island because the last time I was at my Mom’s, there were these commercials about the show The Curse of Oak Island and then today, I read an article about Oak Island. Next thing you know, I’m reading all about the Ark of the Covenant and the Torah and Judiasm. You all remember what happened the last time I went on Wikipedia…

That is the start of the brain filling. Today and for everyday since the beginning of September, the kids have been in hardcore countdown mode for Christmas. I know for sure that I’ve talked about this before and in many different ways, but we are not celebrators of holidays. We’d like to be, but it’s hard to find a reason to when you have no religious or cultural reasons to do so, aside from capitalism. That’s a whole other rant for a completely different time (possibly even a completely different forum, and from a completely different person)…

Anyways, the countdown for Christmas is always this really rough time on my brain, because there is just so much to do. It starts with basically allowing everyone around me to plan what the kids are going to do for Christmas. Although it always really stresses me out, I’m always really thankful at the end of the year that the kids are surrounded by all this family. They go to their Dad’s, and their grandparents and ever since The Boyfriend and I have been together, we go as a family to at least two gatherings every Christmas, so planning all that – or rather, complying to others plans.

Then, the kids nag constantly about presents. They’ve all been on top of us every single day about getting their presents and what they want. Thinking about adding additional toys to their already over-flowing toy box is overwhelming to say the least. I know, I know – get rid of the old toys (I’m working on it). Thinking about all that money that doesn’t need to be spent, especially being that if I were a meaner parent, Santa would give my kids coal…

Every year, we get almost like a Christmas hamper from the school. Today, ours arrived. It took the focus off of the present (phew!) and now they are all over me about getting a Christmas tree. I keep pointing out to them that (a) You don’t need a tree to celebrate Christmas and (b) Last year, we didn’t even set up our Christmas tree until Christmas Eve and in the morning all of their present were there, just like they had been every single year before. I know that the reason they’re freaking out a little about it is that we had a Christmas tree in a box last year, but we had to throw that one away and haven’t bought another one yet. But again, refer to (a)…

And finally, the biggest stressor of the countdown to Christmas is the school concert. Last year, it was a disaster. One kid didn’t even make his performance, The Boyfriend missed the entire thing and the whole thing was seriously just a mess. The school sets it up weird and it’s a confusing thing to endure and it’s a night I’m supposed to be enjoying as a parent, but instead, ugh! And this year, I will have no other adults there with me – everyone has to work. Normally it’s The Boyfriend or my Mom, but this year, just me… Just thinking about it is making my pulse race. It is probably the most stressful night of the year…

I know, I’m like a big ole scrooge, grinchin’ it up. And I really seriously do hate that part of me, hate that I’m like that. It’s just one of those things I’ve never been able to kind of get over. And if I didn’t have kids, it wouldn’t matter at all and no one would think anything of it. But because I have kids, the whole game changes. And eventually, I’ll come to terms with that without question. However, until then, it will just be this thing that eats away at my holiday cheer.

Add on top of all that Christmas mumbo jumbo that I have about a million things that I’ve now decided I’m just going to call resolutions (even though, every year, I go through this spiel about how I don’t believe in resolutions and refuse to set any, and then go about setting them anyways, so it’s really no different; save for the fact that I’m no longer living in denial…), and I’m determined to do more than just talk about doing them.

However, that list is growing exponentially every single day and I’m starting to worry that there simply aren’t enough hours in the day… Can I just say again, “My brain feels like it’s going to explode a little bit…“?

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