#WTMFI: Riding the Red Wave

I am not impressed with my body…

More specifically, I am not impressed with my body’s reproductive organs…

It’s almost been an entire month of “breakthrough bleeding”.

I had alluded awhile back to a later-than-expected period awhile back. That was a week late and I was seriously freaking out that I was pregnant. The Boyfriend didn’t hate the idea and that freaked me out even more. But then a week later, normal regular period comes along.

All is well and fine for the week of my period and then I have a week of no bleeding. During this week, I was suffering with a lot of stomach upset, specifically near my c-section incision scar (so uteral area) – but I just figured it was from all the walking, or all the eating of not-so-good-for-me food, or even just the normal regular cramps.

Woke up one morning bleeding and I’ve been bleeding ever since…

What I need to do is suck it up and go see a doctor. I need to get up off my butt, get over whatever the heck my current issue is, and just go to the doctor.

However, it’s being one of the hardest things to convince myself to do…

I just feel like I know how it’s all going to go down.

About 4 or 5 years ago, my menstruation was all screwed up and this was back when I was regularly seeing a doctor, because I had been suffering with a lot of joint pain. I had a year straight of bleeding after Carter was born and then I had a year of not bleeding at all.

And every time I think about this time, I just remember having to go for an internal ultrasound while I was bleeding and it being an incredibly uncomfortable experience. And then I remember going to my doctor and hearing that they could find no reason or explanation or treatment for the bleeding, and that I would basically just have to ride the red wave for an indefinite period of time…

And I just don’t want to go through any of that again…

But eventually, I’m seriously just going to have to…

 

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The Cleaning Never Ends

I’ve been having this problem for days now. Everyday when I wake up, the first thing I do is open my computer. Facebook, Twitter, FetLife and Google+ get opened first and sometimes this can take a little bit. I try not to get stuck on any one of them but instead try to hop back and forth between them. If I focus for too long, I start thinking too much.

Then I pop open WordPress and check through the stats on my blog(s). I check and see which posts, if any, are doing really good. I respond to any comments and then I often go to write. Usually, I just write and write and write until I feel content and then I hit publish without much thought. If I were writing this for you, dear reader, I might edit or spend more time on it. But I’m writing this for me, so… My standards are pretty low 😉

However, lately (I’m blaming it on my graveyard brain still), I just can’t seem to write anything that makes much sense. It all just reads back like gibberish to me…

https://plus.google.com/+ValerieRayne13/posts/DUAe8ef8i9y

We’ve been doing a lot of cleaning this week. Maybe even longer. It’s gotta be the warmer weather or something, but it is being just about the most challenging thing ever. I cannot get over how much time I’ve spent cleaning, how much effort everyone seems to be putting in, and how little of a change it seems to make.

It would all make more sense if we moved around the house more. But, we really don’t. I have my spot on the couch and a little table beside me. The Boyfriend sits right next to me and Carter normally right next to him. The older kids either sit on the floor or on the other couch. When they move, the only places they go are outside or up to their rooms. So, what I want to know, is how, if no one is spending time in the kitchen, how my kitchen always ends up as the messiest place in the house.

It would even make sense if we were cooking dinner in our kitchen on a regular basis, but recently, we’ve been ordering out a lot. We’ve been getting things you pop into the oven without any dishes. We’ve not been using our kitchen enough for it to make sense for there to be the mess that seems to be there everytime I wake up… It’s like destructive toddler elves are sneaking into our house while we sleep…

I am honestly so jealous of people with clean houses. I wish it were for lack of effort, because at least when it was that, I didn’t feel so terribly about the messes. But now, working my butt off day after day to keep some semblance of tidiness, and having it all be for naught, I just feel utterly ashamed of it. I don’t know how anyone ever has done this at any point of time… And I am so jealous of the people who can.

All that being said, I know from experience that the only way to get through it all is to just keep cleaning and just keep smiling. I’m doing everything in my power to ensure that I don’t let the constant repetitiveness get me down, because if I don’t keep on the messes, I’m terrified to find out what I’ll wake up to next!!! Plus, I know that eventually it will pass and it won’t seem so hard for at least a little while.

I’m going to say it’s weather-related and it’s the adjusting to a new season. Once we’re fully into Spring, it’ll be fine and then when we transition into Summer, it’ll get a little out of control again and then it’ll be fine. That thought brings me a great deal of comfort.

Well, I know that there’s tons more to write about but my brain is now officially on cleaning, so I might as well get up and start that before I have to go get all the brats from school. Hoping the sunshine sticks around for my walk.

Video

Bound to You

For the past few years on my FetLife profile, it has had some variation of this line included in it:

“I am in a monogamous vanilla relationship with The Boyfriend and you could say that that is the closest I get to bondage.”

I’ve often thought that this amazing song by Christina Aguilera (from Burlesque), sums up the sentiments of this line and therefore our relationship perfectly.

“Do I risk it all? Come this far just to fall?… I am bound to you”. Beautiful!

Sweet love, sweet love
Trapped in your love
I’ve opened up, unsure I can trust
My heart and I were buried in dust
Free me, free us
You’re all I need when I’m holding you tight
If you walk away I will suffer tonight

I found a man I can trust
And boy, I believe in us
I am terrified to love for the first time
Can you see that I’m bound in chains?
I’ve finally found my way

I am bound to you
I am bound to you

So much, so young, I’ve faced on my own
Walls I built up became my home
I’m strong and I’m sure there’s a fire in us
Sweet love, so pure
I catch my breath with just one beating heart
And I embrace myself, please don’t tear this apart

I found a man I can trust
And boy, I believe in us
I am terrified to love for the first time
Can’t you see that I’m bound in chains?
I’ve finally found my way

I am bound to you
I am bound to

Suddenly the moment’s here
I embrace my fears
All that I have been carrying all these years
Do I risk it all? Come this far just to fall?
Fall

I can trust and boy, I believe in us
I am terrified to love for the first time
Can you see that I’m bound in chains?
And finally found my way

I am bound to you
I am, ooh I am
I’m bound to you

FetLife Reminiscing – Cock Shot Photography Thoughts

I rarely ever get really involved in discussions on FetLife. Words have a bad habit of blowing up in your face there, so I tend to just observe from the sidelines regularly. Every once and awhile though, I just can’t help myself.

Like when the 50 Shades movie was coming out and all of FetLife was going literally psychotic. The constant influx of conflicting opinions can be incredibly overwhelming and amazingly entertaining, but eventually you get to the point where you’ve just had it. Everyone was writing posts like, “Why I’ve never read the books, and why I never will” or “To those coming to us from 50 Shades” or “I don’t care about the messages, it made me cum…” (note: none of these are real titles that I know, I just made them up, that’s why they suck – people on FetLife are way more clever!). And eventually I had just had enough.

I was compelled, forced by my brain actually, to write the quick piece:

I didn’t see 50 Shades… or read it…
Not for any reason. Not with any explanation. Not because of this and that.
Just because. And that’s okay.
That is all!”

It also happened about 7 months ago when FetLife was going through this huge thing about cock pictures. It started as a harmless rant, turned into a lot of negativity about dick pics, then it turned into humor and a small trickle of us spoke out against the hatred. But even those posts were masked in hatred of the cock shot.

I couldn’t stand it all, because I personally have no problem at all with the dick pic. I would even go so far as to say that I appreciate a good dick pick. And so, I had to add my two cents. I figured instead of keeping those pennies only on FetLife, I’d add them here too. You’ll have to be on FetLife to see the original post that I’m referencing throughout the post.

1. Cocks can be truly beautiful. Artistic even. So when you’re taking a picture, just like us girls, take the time to find the right angle and get the best light. See your cock as the sistine chapel and take pictures of it like you want them hung in museums!

2. Mix it up a little. You don’t need to take a shot of your cock from the same angle over and over again. I don’t just want to see it standing out from your body. And I don’t just want to see it hard. Let me see that strong vein running up your shaft, take a picture of that first drop of pre-cum. Take a shot from underneath and let me see the darker side of your manhood.

3. Sharesies. One of the commenters on the piece made a great point about not always captioning your photo with “Look at me as I stroke my huge hard cock” type deal. How bout tell us how you came to be in the masturbating way and what you thought about or watched while you masturbated. Share the experience through more than just a photo.

4. Experiment lots. We know that guys are notorious for experimenting with their penises. I mean, we hear about it all the time. But I have yet to see a picture of a guy truly experimenting with his cock. What does it look like if you do [insert something experimental here]? Show us something we haven’t already seen all the other penises do…

5. Look for inspiration. Check and see what other guys are posting for cock shots and see how yours compare. What are the commenters saying about other photos and what are they clearly stating that they love? There are some great cock shots out there, so find a few that you really love and aspire to reach that dream.

Just a couple of thoughts, in no particular order of importance. And be sure to follow the original posts’ advice, because that should just be obvious. Remember, you’re an artist, your cock is a canvas. Show us how beautiful it can truly be.

Now, go paint that chapel!

So now, it’s your turn. What advice would you give to those wanting to take the infamous cock shot and how would you make it better for all those involved?

We Sexted!!!

I love how, even after seven years of being together, The Boyfriend can still leave my mouth gaping in shock. I love how, even after a thousand and one sexual encounters, we can still have ones that just absolutely blows my mind.

I lay down, getting ready to watch a show and then go to sleep, when The Boyfriend texts me.

“I wish you drove. You could come by at lunch for a quickie. How awesome would that be?”

And I burst out laughing at the total unexpected-ness of it. Since when does my boyfriend even consider quickies?!?

So I respond, “Where would we sneak off to?”

Next thing you know, for the first time ever in our relationship, The Boyfriend and I are sexting. Now, I’m not new to sexting, he totally is. But this particular night, I felt like he was stealing my sexting virginity more than I was stealing his.

This experience was so much not like any other that I have ever had, in regards to technology and sex (sexting, cybering, camming, etc.). I mean, first and foremost, I’ve never done any of those things with people I was in relationships with. That right there completely changed the experience for me. Half the time, all I’d ever seen of the person was what they revealed online – so again, a big change.

But I just could not get over the fact that that was my boyfriend on the other end of the phone. I knew that he would be skillful with his words, because he does enjoy writing, but I didn’t expect him to be so good with the erotic words. I didn’t think he’d be good at setting up a scene, but I was so wrong.

For the first time ever in a sexting experience, I was not the one in control of the whole thing. Normally, I’m the one describing the scene, I’m the one using the sexy words, and the other person is responding with “Mm hmm” and other filler words. Not this time. I was the filler and he was in total control, and I felt so awkward the entire time, even though I had a raging lady boner going on.

He sent me a picture. I could not believe it as I quickly and eagerly pressed download. Let this just sink in for a minute. My boyfriend, the vanilla, won’t-try-anything-because-somehow-it-is-all-morally-wrong, introverted, button-down shirt wearing guy, the one who says no to my every fantasy, sent me a picture while he was sexting with me.

Mind-fucking-blown!!!!

He carries on skillfully crafting the most amazing story of us, his office and his desk. He claims it’s a quickie, but describes an elaborate and loud scene of amazing foreplay and sex. He asks for a picture from me and I happily oblige. Things get a little hotter and I send him another picture.

My phone rings and he finishes the story and begs me to cum over the phone for him. I don’t even remember anything that was said but again, sensual voice, amazing words – it took no time at all. I begged him to get a video of him finishing up.

The next day, we both spent the entire day desperate to feel each other, but it was a busy day. He had to sleep, we had family around, lots of kids, there was hardly any chance for anything. We waited all day, exchanging glances and subtly rubbing up against one another, and by the time bedtime rolled around and the house quieted, we were both more than ready to go.

We both whipped off our pants as fast as possible. We had fifteen minutes before he had to leave for work. A quickie on the couch was almost as good as the quickie on the desk that he had described and we both came quickly, with just enough time for final cuddles and lots of kisses before he left for work.

The hardest part about these graveyards is adjusting our sex life to fit the new schedule. It’s great when he takes the time to connect with me, especially when it’s through sexting, in the middle of the night. I just love how even after all this time together, he can make me fall in love with all over again, because it’s just that little extra effort.

I understand that you can’t do all the kinky things for me, but can you at least try? And sexting is a great first step!

The Perfunctory Blowjob

I always forget that my sexuality isn’t the everyday normal sexuality. I always forget that not every girl loves to give blowjobs and not every girl loves to swallow. I always forget that mine is a rare breed.

I’m not your average cock sucker, this is true. If we were into labeling around here (which we’re not), I would be considered a cock worshipper. And while I really totally and truly am, I hate calling myself that. I would like to think that it wouldn’t matter what genitalia it was in front of me, that I would worship it regardless. Because I believe so strongly that these phalluses and vulvas and all the goodness that spans the spectrums deserves to be worshipped.

I can’t speak for cunnilingus, because I’ve never had the pleasure of sitting down to that meal, and so I unfortunately can’t help but only qualify as a cock worshipper.

And I really am.

As a good cock worshipper would say, “J’adore le phallus” – and I really and truly do. I always have. From the first time my eyes ever laid on a cock, I have been utterly and hopelessly fascinated by and drawn to cock. And from the first time I ever tasted the sweet precum and the bitter orgasm, I have loved every single drop. The veins, the pulsing, the ridges, the smell, the taste, the feel – everything!

Oral sex is one of my most favorite things to do and I am always surprised at how absolutely aroused the act of giving head makes me. I willingly and passionately give blowjobs as often as I can because for me, it’s a chance to show off some of my serious skills – and I’d like to think I have a lot.

I’ve never given a blowjob that ended in anything less than, “That was the best I’ve ever had” and I’ve even gotten guys off who have claimed that they couldn’t cum from oral. I don’t just jump into sucking a guy off and just carry on my merry little way as if he’s detached from his organ.

No, I take my time.

I feel like I learn everything there is to know about a man during that sensual act of exploring his shaft with my tongue, lips, throat. I learn his insecurities and his ego, I learn his fears and his regrets, I learn his pleasure and his release. I learn about the deepest parts of him, the parts he wasn’t even aware of, as I caress and fondle him. It’s more intimate than sex in a lot of ways, because it’s the one rare time where I am in absolute control.

And, of course, I am always in control of everything, but it’s different in this situation. I can’t exactly describe how it’s different. It feels different and affects you differently. There are rare circumstances, in relationships such as mine, where the bread-winning male seems to be more vulnerable than the stay-at-home mom. But when his cock is between my lips, I feel like I own the world and he is small. And that is a control that is rarely felt.

I never suck a cock with the thought of his orgasm in my head. I never think, “I’m sucking this so that it will cum”, because I’m not. I’m not just performing some act to get him off. Because it doesn’t just do that. I mean, it does do that, but it doesn’t just do that. I think of it as his total and utter release, just as my orgasm (the good ones) do for me.

When all the pressures of society and family life, work and bills, all disappear. When the negative thoughts that bombard your brain about your failures, your mistakes or that one thing you forgot to do, melt away and become distant memories. When, for a single second in time, the only thing you are aware of is the pounding in your chest and drop of sweat dripping between your breasts.

It’s not about the orgasm. It’s about that release.

I want him to be able to feel that. To know that that is what the goal and mission is. Not for him to explode his spunk everywhere, but for him to release his problems onto me. Let me carry the world for a moment.

And obviously, this is all figurative. The load is really his spunk, and the release is ultimately his orgasm. But for me, it’s so much deeper, so much more than that. And so the perfunctory blowjob, now becomes an artful and sensual experience that connects us deeper and more intimately.

It’s rare to find a guy who can think of it that way. For most, it is the perfunctory blowjob. But that doesn’t take away from the intimacy I feel from it. It doesn’t take away from the way I feel about the whole thing. To me, it has always and will always be a more profound and deep way for me to know and understand a man.

And I’m sure I would say that, again, regardless of gender. But I can only speak from experience (oh, how I wish it wasn’t so…).

I always forget that that’s not the way it is for everyone…

This Has Never Happened…

With The Boyfriend on graveyards and the older three kids gone to their Dad’s, we’ve been doing a lot of lazing and vegetating. For the most part, I’ve been playing The Sims 4 and listening to a lot of music.

A new expansion came out for The Sims 4, which I went crazy tweeting and Instagram-ing about, because I was incredibly excited.

View this post on Instagram

It's happening!! #TheSims4 #TS4 #Get2Work

A post shared by Valerie Rayne (@valerierayne) on

They’ve finally added some things that I’ve personally never gotten to play before. I’m relatively new to The Sims franchise for PC, and have really only had a lot of experience for consoles. So I’m getting to try my hand at a lot of things that I’ve always wanted to try in The Sims – like going to work with my sim or running a business of my own.

I even added a place of my own to The Gallery, which I don’t think I’ve ever done before. I’m working on writing up a more detailed piece on that over here.

And music…

Recently, Grooveshark updated their entire site. I’ve been using Grooveshark for quite awhile and I don’t remember how I found it or why I chose it over all the other options, but with this recent update and where it looks like it’s going, I’m glad I use it. So, I’ve been going around updating all my stuff there and this has resulted in a lot of listening.

From the two eclectic pieces that I’ve shared on Google+:

https://plus.google.com/u/0/+ValerieRayne13/posts/47Gdy5vBX6z

https://plus.google.com/u/0/+ValerieRayne13/posts/1cHvhgujb59

And the new playlists that I’ve started working on (here and here) and my favorites. I’ve just been listening and adding and creating and editing like crazy on Grooveshark.

Tomorrow the kids finally come home. I keep saying that it’s a good thing too, because maybe it will finally be quiet around here. Carter has been so talkative since they’ve been gone that it’s rarely quiet. And when he’s not talking, he’s beatboxing. And while I love both of those things greatly, it gets tired after 8 hours straight…

Then, we get to go for Easter Dinner tomorrow night and see some people we haven’t seen in years and finally, I get to see my sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew and I couldn’t be more excited about that. I only get to see them about once a year, so it’s always a pretty big deal.

Honestly, this last week and this upcoming week are probably going to end up being my favorite two weeks of this year. Lots of goodness happening, lots of lack of stress, I feel pretty darn content.

This has never happened…