I feel old…

I’m not exactly sure how long this feeling has been brewing, but it’s officially beginning to boil over and the kettle’s beginning to scream.

I can’t tell you exactly what the feeling is. It’s a mixture of a whole bunch of negative things and some really positive things and it’s honestly just a big ball of mess. It’s like tangled up yarn that I’m not prepared to start unraveling.

There’s been a lot of stuff going on in the world around me the last little while. A lot of stuff that I feel completely detached from, even though they’re happening right in front of me and all over me.

Everyone seems to be moving forward and upward at this incredible speed. My kids are all getting older and smarter and better at everything. My partner is making advancements in his job and reaching huge milestones in a persons life. Everyone is in motion towards something, be it teenagehood, middle-age, middle-school or management. Everyone is moving.

Everyone but me. And honestly, I don’t want to move. And that right there is the entire freaking problem…

I’ve written about five posts in the last two days trying to hash out all the stuff that’s going on and all the ways I feel about it and all the crap that’s going through my head, but I just can’t seem to put any of it into words at all – in print or verbally.

The Boyfriend’s been asking, he’s been patiently trying to get me to talk to him about whatever is on my mind, but I just don’t know how to formulate the words and when I do come up with words, they’re all the wrong ones. None of what I say is what I want to say…

Ugh, I said I was going to get a post out today. There’s my post…

2 thoughts on “I feel old…

  1. I understand your plight its as if we’re going through similar difficulty.
    This morning I woke up with a clearer mind, trying to compose myself.
    I made decisions that will affect me mentally and emotionally. Somehow
    I made them. I realized that I had to let people and things go. And to start a new chapter in my life that was best for me and my family.
    I hope this can be of some help.
    Enjoy your day !

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am glad that you have come to some decisions to help yourself through your tough times. Like Sheryl Crow says, “I think a change (a change), would do you good (a change would do you good)”.

      The biggest thing I need to get over and change is my own procrastinations and irrational fears. My life could easily move onwards and upwards if I didn’t have those two factors holding me back.

      You’ve definitely given me something to think about and for that, I thank you. I also really appreciate your thoughts, it means the world 😉


      Liked by 1 person

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