Restrained and Released

A few weeks back, I did some more online shopping and bought stuff specifically for The Boyfriend. Namely, two different types of masturbators. I also got an under-the-bed restraint system.

I always think we’re going to use the stuff the same day it arrives, but it normally ends up sitting in the box for a few weeks without even a thought given to it, before we finally open it up and look at it.

We had experimented with the masturbators already, but I decided that last night, I was setting up that restraint system, with or without his pre-approval. And so, after a good long almost two-hour bath, I decided to set this thing up. It took me about two seconds and being that I wasn’t betting on it’s use, I just kinda slid it under the mattress and left it there.

Even though The Boyfriend had now been up for almost 36 hours, I was determined we were having sex. After three weeks of riding the red wave, I was finally not bleeding and all I could think about was finally having something other than a solitary mastrubatory orgasm. And he was excited to oblige, which I wasn’t expecting and added to the anticipation.

We stayed up way later than we were expecting to. I mean, the kids didn’t go to bed until almost one in the morning, so it was way late. And I don’t know how he managed, other than a great deal of determination and for that I am thankful.

It started on the couch after we had both taken baths separately. I had gone first and then when he was up in his bath, I played games. When he was done, he had me keep playing while he did some playing of his own. As zombies attacked me and I smashed cars into tree after tree after tree, his fingers playfully roamed my freshly shaved flesh. About half an hour or so passed before we finally made our way upstairs.

Almost immediately, he was putting the restraints to use. He laid me on my back and roughly grabbed my left leg, yanking it up above my head and securing the velcro on the first strap. Then, he gently lifted my right leg and kissed my ankles as he strapped the next restraint onto me. I told him that he could tighten it by pulling “this” strap, I signaled with my chin. He smiled and pulled on the straps, my feet now touching the wall behind my head.

He sat back for a minute and admired his work. I delighted in this probably more than anything else. His hands went from around my ankles, where the straps were, to slowly make their way down the back of my legs, across the fold of my knee, up my thighs and resting nicely on my ass at the end. He smiled at me, this mischievous look in his eyes, and I could tell he was debating about his next move.

He grabbed my hands and strapped them into the cuffs at the bottom of the bed and tightened them a little bit. He raised up his hand and brought it down quickly on the left side of my ass, hitting the best spot possible. He did again on the other side and followed it quickly with soft kisses – and his facial hair set my body on fire. I shivered violently as he kissed the tip of my clit.

He just gently rubbed the tip of his cock against my wet slit and I knew he was ready for penetration. “Go slow, because I think it’s going to hurt” and he went really slow. The way that felt… I could feel every single little bump and ridge of his cock perfectly and I cooed at all the different sensations.

I’m a pretty flexible person for the most part. It’s not very often that we struggle to get me into all sorts of crazy positions. But with my feet above my head and my hands stretched below my ass, it felt like the angle he was going in at was much more intense than normal – as if he was filling every piece of available space. He was also leaning more back on his heels, so that right there always changes the way it feels.

He was obviously enjoying the show and I was obviously enjoying that. And when he pulled himself almost all the way out and raised his hand, we both exchanged devious smiles as he quickly brought his hand down onto that delicate area where ass meets thigh. I pulled against all four restraints and said, “My body…”, and he engulfed me, putting his hands in my hair and showering my cheeks, forehead, neck and ears with lingering kisses. His hands caressed down my sides, taking in the curve of my breasts with his weight bared upon them, and the fold of my hip from my bent up legs, and ran his fingers over my wetness and around his girth.

I relaxed back, the cool breeze from our open window hitting the line of sweat that had formed across my forehead, and he lifted off of me and played in the wetness between my legs. His fingers kept traveling further and further back and when he pulled out of me, I knew he was going to try for anal. If I wasn’t already absolutely sure of it, the succession of two or three good whacks on the ass and the rubbing of copious amounts of precum right on the entrance point were damn sure signs.

He moved his head around the straps now dangling in my face and kissed me hard. I reached my hands to my ass and gently pulled at my cheeks, hoping to make the interaction easier than it has been of late. Slowly, he eased his way in. He asked, “Are you okay?” and I nodded fervently. He whispered, “Good girl”, as he ran a finger over my temple and up through my hair. He pushed just a little bit harder and I gasped, “Wait!”. He stopped dead and waited for my next move.

I groped with my hands and he released the right one – my clit rubbing hand. I reached between my legs and felt around at what was happening and he sat completely still waiting for me. I tried to make it feel wetter, easier somehow. But he felt so massive, so unbearable. I tried rocking against him a little bit, relaxing onto him. But I felt so small, so breakable.

I said, “I can’t…”, defeated. He bent over and kissed me hard, “Such a good girl”, and I slowly guided him out of me. I commented right then and there that I did not realize how deep he was and I could not believe that I chickened out right then and there. He paid no attention and put his tongue to work on my still wet pussy.

My toes had begun to tingle. I wriggled them for a good five minutes, not wanting to released. One final slap on my ass was all I could handle, and as I pulled hard against the cuffs, I asked him to let my legs down. He did this part so sensually. He pulled slowly at the velcro strap, and was careful to not let my leg just fall or bounce down. He kissed all the way around my ankle where the strap had been left and gently set my leg down on the bed beside him, rubbing his fingers back up over it. The same on the other side and I immediately wrapped them around him, pulling him in tight for a good long mid-sex session hug.

We took a five minute drink break and I don’t think any drink has ever been so refreshing.

I had been fantasizing all day about taking his reversible masturbator and putting it on him and then sitting on him facing away from him, so that he could see the masturbator/penis/pussy combo. I decided now would be the perfect time.

The masturbator was a bit stubborn to put on, but we had anticipated that from a previous session with it. Once it was securely in place, I eagerly crawled on top of him and he was excited about the position (as he always in anytime I’m on top). He had the smooth side of the masturbator against him and the nubby side was sticking out. Man, were those nubbies ever noticeable at first, and almost not in a good way. It took quite awhile of going back and forth on them for them to start feeling anything less than weird and then, almost as soon as I got to that point, I got to the point of not being able to feel them at all. I could feel the veins in his cock better than I could the nubs on the toy.

He had had enough of the feeling of the masturbator. I have no idea how it felt for him, but he was ready for the real fucking of the night to begin. He was ready for orgasms.

He laid me on my back and swiftly penetrated me, hard and deep, his hands roughly on my shoulders pushing me down onto him. He told me to cum on his cock and I manically worked on my clit as he thrust hard into me. I came quickly and he said, “Now onto the next one!”. He pulled my legs this way and that, adjusting for deeper penetration and then easing up and going hard again, varying his speed, depth, angles, and rhythm. I continued circling my clit frantically.

I told him I was close and he thrust harder and faster. At the exact same moment, we both grunted out, “I’m cumming!” and my orgasm seemed to suspend itself on the pulses of his orgasm. I could literally feel his every drop deep within me. His orgasm finished and I immediately went to work on finishing that suspended orgasm. I felt like I had had my second but like I wasn’t done at all.

I’ve never worked harder to make something happen faster in my life!

He gently rocked his softening cock inside of me and his hands freely explored every exposed piece of flesh. The breeze brushed my nipples and the sweat in my hair made me shiver. His hands gathered up both my breasts and as I erupted into a blissful orgasm, he lowered his lips to mine and we kissed passionately as I quaked beneath him.

I sprawled out beneath him and he laid on me, putting his ear right next to my lips. Our hearts slowed, our breathing synced and his hand gently pushed my hair back away from my face. One last long kiss and an “I love you” was exchanged, before he gently rolled off of me.

I rolled onto my side and he wrapped his hand tight around me, his arm between my breasts, our bare bodies snuggled tight against one another. He kissed my shoulder, “Have a good sleep”. Next thing I knew, it was dinnertime the next day.

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Bound to You

For the past few years on my FetLife profile, it has had some variation of this line included in it:

“I am in a monogamous vanilla relationship with The Boyfriend and you could say that that is the closest I get to bondage.”

I’ve often thought that this amazing song by Christina Aguilera (from Burlesque), sums up the sentiments of this line and therefore our relationship perfectly.

“Do I risk it all? Come this far just to fall?… I am bound to you”. Beautiful!

Sweet love, sweet love
Trapped in your love
I’ve opened up, unsure I can trust
My heart and I were buried in dust
Free me, free us
You’re all I need when I’m holding you tight
If you walk away I will suffer tonight

I found a man I can trust
And boy, I believe in us
I am terrified to love for the first time
Can you see that I’m bound in chains?
I’ve finally found my way

I am bound to you
I am bound to you

So much, so young, I’ve faced on my own
Walls I built up became my home
I’m strong and I’m sure there’s a fire in us
Sweet love, so pure
I catch my breath with just one beating heart
And I embrace myself, please don’t tear this apart

I found a man I can trust
And boy, I believe in us
I am terrified to love for the first time
Can’t you see that I’m bound in chains?
I’ve finally found my way

I am bound to you
I am bound to

Suddenly the moment’s here
I embrace my fears
All that I have been carrying all these years
Do I risk it all? Come this far just to fall?
Fall

I can trust and boy, I believe in us
I am terrified to love for the first time
Can you see that I’m bound in chains?
And finally found my way

I am bound to you
I am, ooh I am
I’m bound to you

FetLife Reminiscing – Cock Shot Photography Thoughts

I rarely ever get really involved in discussions on FetLife. Words have a bad habit of blowing up in your face there, so I tend to just observe from the sidelines regularly. Every once and awhile though, I just can’t help myself.

Like when the 50 Shades movie was coming out and all of FetLife was going literally psychotic. The constant influx of conflicting opinions can be incredibly overwhelming and amazingly entertaining, but eventually you get to the point where you’ve just had it. Everyone was writing posts like, “Why I’ve never read the books, and why I never will” or “To those coming to us from 50 Shades” or “I don’t care about the messages, it made me cum…” (note: none of these are real titles that I know, I just made them up, that’s why they suck – people on FetLife are way more clever!). And eventually I had just had enough.

I was compelled, forced by my brain actually, to write the quick piece:

I didn’t see 50 Shades… or read it…
Not for any reason. Not with any explanation. Not because of this and that.
Just because. And that’s okay.
That is all!”

It also happened about 7 months ago when FetLife was going through this huge thing about cock pictures. It started as a harmless rant, turned into a lot of negativity about dick pics, then it turned into humor and a small trickle of us spoke out against the hatred. But even those posts were masked in hatred of the cock shot.

I couldn’t stand it all, because I personally have no problem at all with the dick pic. I would even go so far as to say that I appreciate a good dick pick. And so, I had to add my two cents. I figured instead of keeping those pennies only on FetLife, I’d add them here too. You’ll have to be on FetLife to see the original post that I’m referencing throughout the post.

1. Cocks can be truly beautiful. Artistic even. So when you’re taking a picture, just like us girls, take the time to find the right angle and get the best light. See your cock as the sistine chapel and take pictures of it like you want them hung in museums!

2. Mix it up a little. You don’t need to take a shot of your cock from the same angle over and over again. I don’t just want to see it standing out from your body. And I don’t just want to see it hard. Let me see that strong vein running up your shaft, take a picture of that first drop of pre-cum. Take a shot from underneath and let me see the darker side of your manhood.

3. Sharesies. One of the commenters on the piece made a great point about not always captioning your photo with “Look at me as I stroke my huge hard cock” type deal. How bout tell us how you came to be in the masturbating way and what you thought about or watched while you masturbated. Share the experience through more than just a photo.

4. Experiment lots. We know that guys are notorious for experimenting with their penises. I mean, we hear about it all the time. But I have yet to see a picture of a guy truly experimenting with his cock. What does it look like if you do [insert something experimental here]? Show us something we haven’t already seen all the other penises do…

5. Look for inspiration. Check and see what other guys are posting for cock shots and see how yours compare. What are the commenters saying about other photos and what are they clearly stating that they love? There are some great cock shots out there, so find a few that you really love and aspire to reach that dream.

Just a couple of thoughts, in no particular order of importance. And be sure to follow the original posts’ advice, because that should just be obvious. Remember, you’re an artist, your cock is a canvas. Show us how beautiful it can truly be.

Now, go paint that chapel!

So now, it’s your turn. What advice would you give to those wanting to take the infamous cock shot and how would you make it better for all those involved?

We Sexted!!!

I love how, even after seven years of being together, The Boyfriend can still leave my mouth gaping in shock. I love how, even after a thousand and one sexual encounters, we can still have ones that just absolutely blows my mind.

I lay down, getting ready to watch a show and then go to sleep, when The Boyfriend texts me.

“I wish you drove. You could come by at lunch for a quickie. How awesome would that be?”

And I burst out laughing at the total unexpected-ness of it. Since when does my boyfriend even consider quickies?!?

So I respond, “Where would we sneak off to?”

Next thing you know, for the first time ever in our relationship, The Boyfriend and I are sexting. Now, I’m not new to sexting, he totally is. But this particular night, I felt like he was stealing my sexting virginity more than I was stealing his.

This experience was so much not like any other that I have ever had, in regards to technology and sex (sexting, cybering, camming, etc.). I mean, first and foremost, I’ve never done any of those things with people I was in relationships with. That right there completely changed the experience for me. Half the time, all I’d ever seen of the person was what they revealed online – so again, a big change.

But I just could not get over the fact that that was my boyfriend on the other end of the phone. I knew that he would be skillful with his words, because he does enjoy writing, but I didn’t expect him to be so good with the erotic words. I didn’t think he’d be good at setting up a scene, but I was so wrong.

For the first time ever in a sexting experience, I was not the one in control of the whole thing. Normally, I’m the one describing the scene, I’m the one using the sexy words, and the other person is responding with “Mm hmm” and other filler words. Not this time. I was the filler and he was in total control, and I felt so awkward the entire time, even though I had a raging lady boner going on.

He sent me a picture. I could not believe it as I quickly and eagerly pressed download. Let this just sink in for a minute. My boyfriend, the vanilla, won’t-try-anything-because-somehow-it-is-all-morally-wrong, introverted, button-down shirt wearing guy, the one who says no to my every fantasy, sent me a picture while he was sexting with me.

Mind-fucking-blown!!!!

He carries on skillfully crafting the most amazing story of us, his office and his desk. He claims it’s a quickie, but describes an elaborate and loud scene of amazing foreplay and sex. He asks for a picture from me and I happily oblige. Things get a little hotter and I send him another picture.

My phone rings and he finishes the story and begs me to cum over the phone for him. I don’t even remember anything that was said but again, sensual voice, amazing words – it took no time at all. I begged him to get a video of him finishing up.

The next day, we both spent the entire day desperate to feel each other, but it was a busy day. He had to sleep, we had family around, lots of kids, there was hardly any chance for anything. We waited all day, exchanging glances and subtly rubbing up against one another, and by the time bedtime rolled around and the house quieted, we were both more than ready to go.

We both whipped off our pants as fast as possible. We had fifteen minutes before he had to leave for work. A quickie on the couch was almost as good as the quickie on the desk that he had described and we both came quickly, with just enough time for final cuddles and lots of kisses before he left for work.

The hardest part about these graveyards is adjusting our sex life to fit the new schedule. It’s great when he takes the time to connect with me, especially when it’s through sexting, in the middle of the night. I just love how even after all this time together, he can make me fall in love with all over again, because it’s just that little extra effort.

I understand that you can’t do all the kinky things for me, but can you at least try? And sexting is a great first step!

The Perfunctory Blowjob

I always forget that my sexuality isn’t the everyday normal sexuality. I always forget that not every girl loves to give blowjobs and not every girl loves to swallow. I always forget that mine is a rare breed.

I’m not your average cock sucker, this is true. If we were into labeling around here (which we’re not), I would be considered a cock worshipper. And while I really totally and truly am, I hate calling myself that. I would like to think that it wouldn’t matter what genitalia it was in front of me, that I would worship it regardless. Because I believe so strongly that these phalluses and vulvas and all the goodness that spans the spectrums deserves to be worshipped.

I can’t speak for cunnilingus, because I’ve never had the pleasure of sitting down to that meal, and so I unfortunately can’t help but only qualify as a cock worshipper.

And I really am.

As a good cock worshipper would say, “J’adore le phallus” – and I really and truly do. I always have. From the first time my eyes ever laid on a cock, I have been utterly and hopelessly fascinated by and drawn to cock. And from the first time I ever tasted the sweet precum and the bitter orgasm, I have loved every single drop. The veins, the pulsing, the ridges, the smell, the taste, the feel – everything!

Oral sex is one of my most favorite things to do and I am always surprised at how absolutely aroused the act of giving head makes me. I willingly and passionately give blowjobs as often as I can because for me, it’s a chance to show off some of my serious skills – and I’d like to think I have a lot.

I’ve never given a blowjob that ended in anything less than, “That was the best I’ve ever had” and I’ve even gotten guys off who have claimed that they couldn’t cum from oral. I don’t just jump into sucking a guy off and just carry on my merry little way as if he’s detached from his organ.

No, I take my time.

I feel like I learn everything there is to know about a man during that sensual act of exploring his shaft with my tongue, lips, throat. I learn his insecurities and his ego, I learn his fears and his regrets, I learn his pleasure and his release. I learn about the deepest parts of him, the parts he wasn’t even aware of, as I caress and fondle him. It’s more intimate than sex in a lot of ways, because it’s the one rare time where I am in absolute control.

And, of course, I am always in control of everything, but it’s different in this situation. I can’t exactly describe how it’s different. It feels different and affects you differently. There are rare circumstances, in relationships such as mine, where the bread-winning male seems to be more vulnerable than the stay-at-home mom. But when his cock is between my lips, I feel like I own the world and he is small. And that is a control that is rarely felt.

I never suck a cock with the thought of his orgasm in my head. I never think, “I’m sucking this so that it will cum”, because I’m not. I’m not just performing some act to get him off. Because it doesn’t just do that. I mean, it does do that, but it doesn’t just do that. I think of it as his total and utter release, just as my orgasm (the good ones) do for me.

When all the pressures of society and family life, work and bills, all disappear. When the negative thoughts that bombard your brain about your failures, your mistakes or that one thing you forgot to do, melt away and become distant memories. When, for a single second in time, the only thing you are aware of is the pounding in your chest and drop of sweat dripping between your breasts.

It’s not about the orgasm. It’s about that release.

I want him to be able to feel that. To know that that is what the goal and mission is. Not for him to explode his spunk everywhere, but for him to release his problems onto me. Let me carry the world for a moment.

And obviously, this is all figurative. The load is really his spunk, and the release is ultimately his orgasm. But for me, it’s so much deeper, so much more than that. And so the perfunctory blowjob, now becomes an artful and sensual experience that connects us deeper and more intimately.

It’s rare to find a guy who can think of it that way. For most, it is the perfunctory blowjob. But that doesn’t take away from the intimacy I feel from it. It doesn’t take away from the way I feel about the whole thing. To me, it has always and will always be a more profound and deep way for me to know and understand a man.

And I’m sure I would say that, again, regardless of gender. But I can only speak from experience (oh, how I wish it wasn’t so…).

I always forget that that’s not the way it is for everyone…

Finally, That Moment…

After two weeks and a period that ended up starting later than expected, I finally got to have not one, not two, but three orgasms and a whole lot of sex that I am now going to commence bragging about.

We basically knew we were going to have sex. We had gone shopping for all sorts of body cleaning supplies, we knew were all the clean clothes were and we made time to ensure that both of us took our necessary showers/baths. We could’ve and normally would’ve just showered together but it had been a bit since I had last shaved, so it was time for a really good clean up and that is something I prefer to do in a bath. So, he showered and I took a beautifully blissful bath in which I read another little hunk of Manifesta.

After my bath, we immediately went to our room. He was more than ready to go, from long before the end of my bath, so it wasn’t long before the touching and kissing and heavy breathing began. His hands took in the newly smoothed skin of my legs and I snuggled into his cleaned up face.

We decided we had forgotten to grab a few things, including the vibrator that we bought weeks ago and hadn’t used yet. I stood up before him and he came up behind me and wrapped his arms tight around me. I opened my legs to let him between them without actually penetrating and the warmth of his cock made me instantly wet. I had told him “not yet” when he tried to slide into me, which at this point is always more easy than I’d like it to be. Upon feeling how wet I actually was, I bent forward and popped back onto him suddenly.

The sound he made… I can just imagine the look that was on his face at that moment. I’ve seen it before and it’s one of my most favorite faces in the whole universe.

Just as suddenly as the moment happened, I was orgasming hard. He had to hold me up as my knees buckled beneath me and I held back any noise whatsoever, my entire body straining to contain the screaming that wanted to escape.

We literally ran to get the stuff that we had intended to get, both of us desperately wanting to be back in that moment.

I got back to the bed before him and sprawled out on the bed with my legs wide open. He came and curled up next to me, his hands exploring every fold and curve. He grabbed the vibrator and pushed it as far into me as it would go and then turned it on. It was the strangest thing I have felt in a really long time (probably since the last time I owned a vibrator) and I’m sure my face scrunched at the sensation.

He turned the vibration off and pulled and pushed on the vibrator a few times. Then, he asked me politely to take over. I reached down behind me and continued the same motions he had and experimented with the bent tip of the vibrator. He watched on in a way that I’ve craved and let his fingers explore freely.

He removed the vibrator and rolled me to my side. I stuck my rear out far to give him the best access. He playfully penetrated me and we both giggled at how wet I was. I knew when he reached his hands between my legs that there was a good chance he was going to do something to my anal area and man, do I ever know my man!

He slid a finger easily into my tight hole and I gently rocked against him trying to keep my body as relaxed as possible. I’m not all sure what exactly he was doing back there but there was a lot of different feelings going on, so that remains a mystery to me.

He moved my leg and his body just slightly and I decided I wanted, nay needed, to feel his lips on mine. I put my fingers to his lips then to my clit and he excitedly obliged. Have I ever told you how good The Boyfriend is at this?!? It really is a shame that it only happens about once a year, because I would much rather it happen everyday…

He knows just the right moves to make at exactly the right moment and he loves all the things that I love during oral. I like to have my hand in his hair, and he loves for me to be rough with his head. I like to say what I want and he loves to be given those directions. He knows exactly the right moment to switch from just tongue and teeth and lips to fingers and he knows precisely how to bring me to orgasm every single time.

And that’s exactly what he did.

It was no rest at all. My face was red, my hair was drenched in sweat and my breathing was erratic, but he was ready for more, more, more. He laid next to me on his back and pulled me on top of him. He roughly grabbed as much of my breast as he could manage and sucked hard on a large portion of it as I lowered onto him and he continued to manhandle my chest.

I leaned back on my arms and the view intrigued him and so he moved position to better see and this resulted in my laying on my back, halfway off the bed almost upside down and him coming at me vigorously from on top. My breasts were bouncing so hard that my breathing naturally matched the rate of his thrusts. He was, for lack of a better word, mesmerized by what he could see and he intensely watched the meeting of our soaking genitals.

I don’t know how he does it. If I were a penis holder, I am almost positive that I would not be able to go as long as he does. As a non-penis holder, I cannot stave off orgasm for that long. It makes sense when he slows down in between the rhythmic pounding, but when he’s going for the 20-30 minutes it takes for my third orgasm, never once slowing his pace, it seriously shocks and amazes me. I look at him like he’s some kind of superhero afterwards and like he should win an award for his performance or something.

What I’m trying to say is that it took me forever and a day to orgasm. At this point, my whole vulvular area becomes numbed, again for lack of a better word. I can still feel everything just as much as I ever did before and in some cases, more so, but nothing is nearly as sensitive as it is in the beginning, especially my clit. By the time I came, I had both hands down there working as hard as they could and when I erupted into my third orgasm it was loud.

I don’t know how he does this one either, again an award should be given and received, but just as I’m cumming he erupts too and we have this blissful moment where our hearts and genitals contract and release at the same time and it’s as if everything else fades around us. I suppose we’re normally exchanging dreamy swoony looks at the same moment, though I’m far less aware of that…

We had to move to the other end of the bed to get back to our pillows. I laid on my back, he placed his warm hand on my stomach, to ease the discomfort in my cervix, which had been thoroughly poked and prodded, and within moments we were dead to the world asleep.

All day, all either of us could say to the other was, “Oh my god, such great sex last night…”.

 

It’s His Party, I’ll Buy Toys If I Want To…

NOTE: This post was originally added on FetLife. I have updated it to include the stuff that I can check off my bucket list.

It’s been a long time in the making. We’ve been talking about getting new toys for years now, I’m not even kidding you. And normally, things get in the way, life gets in the way and it gets pushed further and further onto the back burner.

[See – TO GET: A Sex Toy… Any Sex Toy]

On a whim tonight, I decided, since it’s his birthday in a day, that I might get that dildo that we’ve been talking about getting forever. This led me on a hunt. A hunt that has resulted in great excitement on my part.

They’re not really presents for him. They’re presents for him in the sense that they’re presents for me. But, my orgasm is kinda like a present, right?!? They had a sale and a couldn’t resist.

So, in the next 5-7 days, I will have a brand new vibrator. A brand new black vibrator. I haven’t had a vibrator in so long that I can’t even remember what a vibrator feels like. I only remember orgasming easier thanks to it. Plus, I’m very excited about the black – I’ve never had a black sex toy before!!

Then, because they were on sale, I grabbed a thing of Japanese Silk Rope. Again, we keep saying we’re going to this. I’ve been saying it much longer than he has and in terms of anything kinky, this is the only thing he’s ever shown interest in. Although I know that getting him to take the time to learn how to use it will be a whole other issue entirely. But at least I can learn and that’s a present to us both!

[See – TO GET: Rope and a Rope Tote]

Next, I got a Wartenberg wheel. I cannot tell you how much I have yearned for one of these babies. I can only imagine what it would feel like rolling over sensitive breasts and oh my god, the back and butt. Just tingles everywhere thinking about it – and that’s only what I can imagine. This one cannot get here fast enough!

Last but not least, I took the ultimate plunge. He said, “You should buy lingerie” and now I can say, “You can’t use that excuse anymore!”. I don’t know how it’s going to fit, what’s it going to look like, if it’s a good buy, basically nothing. I know that it was what they said my size was (based basically on my current clothing size, because ain’t nobody have measuring tape – not the kind that bends anyways…) and that it was on sale. I’m telling you people, none of this would have happened if it weren’t for the sale and 25% off…

[See – TO GET: Lingerie… Lots of Lingerie]

In buying the lingerie, I will have my first ever in The Boyfriend and I’s relationship g-string (I’ve had thongs, but never g-string) and a peek-a-boo babydoll thing. I don’t even know how to talk about lingerie, but I plan to post pictures when we get them.

This is quite possibly going to be the best birthday yet. Can’t wait!

I Fought and He Fought Back!

I wasn’t entirely expecting to get any sex last night. I mean, I was because it was a night off for him, but I wasn’t because I hate to be disappointed by his exhaustion. But when I mentioned watching porn (which we haven’t done in a really long time together), we both excitedly decided it was bedtime.

We ended up getting stuck on a couple themes when we were picking. First, I chose brunettes. I’m a brunette, I tend to feel most comfortable and therefore more aroused watching brunettes. The first video had a teacher theme. Books fell on the floor. I was offended and slightly more turned on by it. The Boyfriend and I talked extensively about that.

I spent most of the time we were watching porn with his cock in my mouth. He’d move to make it easy for me to watch and lick and I’d lazily drag my tongue all over him or rest my head on his stomach while I watched the videos. It went from teachers/students to secretaries/bosses, both things that we seem to really like the idea of. We both think it would be fun to play both roles and whenever we’re watching secretary ones, I always say that he needs to get an office of his own (one day…!).

I’m always surprised by how absolutely wet I get just from putting his cock near my mouth. It doesn’t make any sense to me, because while I definitely do enjoy the heck out of it, I don’t feel like I’m getting that aroused by it. But then, I open my legs and I’m just absolutely soaked. It makes me want to do it more and more because I love how no matter how often it happens, I’m still surprised every single time!

Although he really wanted me to be on top at some point, it never ended up happening. We both got so caught up in the moment that it didn’t even matter. When he first got on top of me, it was just our normal, regular, everyday kinda sex. My hands were in his hair, he was supporting himself with one hand as his other hand cupped my breast and he sucked on my nipples. And then I raised my hips a little bit…

He grabbed my legs and pulled me up around him and delighted in how deep he managed to get and especially in my reaction. My legs slung up around his shoulders, he pulled me hard onto him and I flinched away from the sensation of him as deep as he was. He smiled so big at that flinch and all his muscles suddenly flexed.

He bounced my legs up until my thighs were resting on his arms and grabbed my arms and pinned them down to the bed as he thrust himself so deep into me that I immediately began fighting against him. But he just re-positioned his grip and slammed into me again. I kicked out my legs, I thrashed my arms, I pushed against him as hard as I could and while I succeeded in pushing him back, he was quickly back on top of me, holding down my arms and kissing me as hard as he could. I fought and he fought back.

My hand felt his hair and that was it, I was defeated. I wrapped my arms around his neck and put my fingers into his hair, wrapping my legs completely around him and kissing him frantically. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer and closer into him until he was sitting back on his feet and gently rocking beneath me.

He lowered me back down to the bed and watched my breasts bounce as he casually pounded me. Something about this always really turns me on. I mean, first of all, as a girl who used to have really small boobs that I was deeply self-concious about to now having fair size, pretty darn sexy boobs, I love watching my breasts bounce. They didn’t used to do that! Then, when he gets that look on his face, like he’s now in his mode and he’s got the hang of this and he’s feeling all confident and his ego (among other things) has been stroked – I just love that look on him. I think to myself that I had a part in that face.

I came quickly and he knew I wasn’t going to be ready to stop, so he kept on going. We were going to change positions, but he could tell that I was already close to a second orgasm and he was ready for his at any time, so we just kept going. It took longer than we were both expecting and I was covered in sweat by the time we got there, but I said “I’m cumming” and he was right along behind me. I wrapped my legs and arms around him in the heat of it and we laid there for a few minutes completely consumed and engulfed in each other.

It took mere seconds to fall asleep after that…

 

A Secondary Partner… Not So Crazy, Right?

Being a high sex drive kinkster with a low sex drive vanilla partner in a monogamous relationship is just about the hardest thing ever.

I reached that breaking point again last night. That point where I’m sick of putting my desires aside, sick of putting my sexuality on the back burner, and blurted out again that I wanted a secondary partner.

It seems to happen every single time we get here. I don’t want him to be something he’s not, but I don’t want to deny myself something that I so desperately desire. Like my favorite part of Nymphomaniac, I want him to be Shia Leboeuf and tell me that I’m a tiger and I need to be fed… Alas, he doesn’t and I’m left wanting more.

It’s terrible because I have this intense internal war with myself that seems to grow and build and grow and build. I feel guilty for my desires a lot of the time because they seem so all consuming. Maybe it’s because it’s the only complaint we have in our relationship, but it feels like it’s this huge unsolvable problem. And my desires are the cause of that problem, my constant, nagging, neverending urge to have sex and then have more sex and give head and orgasm. And then, I argue that I shouldn’t feel guilty for these desires because they are the most normal desires in the whole entire world. I beat myself up for feeling guilty because I shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to be my “authentic sexual self”.

And by the time the internal war is raging beyond bloodshed in my head, I have no choice but to blurt out these thoughts. Because he falls asleep on me during yet another attempt at a second orgasm, I am pushed over the edge on the internal war, and with him going to graveyards soon, I am just terrified of what it’s going to be like.

If at this moment, I feel like I’m not getting enough sex, not getting enough of the kind of sex I want, not being sexually satiated, then how the hell am I going to feel when he’ll basically be incapable of having sex at all in a few months?!?

And yes, there are workarounds and it’s not like I won’t be getting any action at all. I did get pregnant with his child while he was working graveyards, so it’s not like it’s total celibacy. But, I just can’t see it being a better situation than we have now and I definitely can’t see it staying like this…

I hate that in these moments it seems like the only logical move is to break up, because I feel like it’s so irrational. But then I do stuff like go to groups on FetLife for kinksters with vanilla partners and I think back to conversations on the web from long ago, and I just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. The reality is that he will probably never suddenly become kinky and we will have to “compromise”. And by compromise, I mean that he will continue to get what he wants and I’ll continue to get nothing that I want, except the irregular vanilla sex session.

So, I blurt out things like I want a secondary partner. What I really want is for him to wake up and become the man of my dreams, or at least put some effort into becoming the sexual partner I deserve!

I deserve someone who is going to worship every single curve of this body that has brought four beautiful children into the world and nursed them and raised them. I deserve someone who will hunger for the taste of me and relish in the delicate folds of my wet lips. I deserve someone who will nurture my intelligence and care for my mind. I deserve someone who will sacrifice sleep just to watch me orgasm one more time. I deserve someone who cares enough to be that someone…

I blurt out things like I want a secondary partner, because I don’t expect him to miraculously change. I know that he can’t give me it all, especially being that there’s a lot of it. And like I said to him, “It’s not that you’re inadequate. It’s that I’m a lot. It’s ridiculous to think that one person can handle it all!” – and I honestly believe that.

He says an absolute no to the secondary partner idea every single time. It’s an immediate response. I don’t know why I expect anything different every single time, but I do. And I am disappointed every single time.

The exact same conversation plays over and over at this point. Me going on about how a secondary partner isn’t that outrageous of an idea, that I can’t stand the way this makes me feel, drudging up deep and profound thoughts on my sexuality. He basically sits there pouting and every once and awhile will interject something about jealousy or how my feelings on this whole thing make him feel insecure.

The conversation always ends with no resolution, no solution, nothing. Basically, we both spout and then act as if the whole thing never happened. Normally, I’ll get really great sex that night – not kinky or anything and he’ll probably still fall asleep as I attempt my second orgasm – but great sex. And in a few weeks time, this whole process will repeat itself.

How many years can a person survive like that?