It’s finally over!!

Christmas, that is. I’m more excited about the end of Christmas than Christmas itself. The older kids left around noon on Christmas day and aside from the constant “I’m bored” from Carter, it’s been beautifully quiet and relatively relaxing.

Christmas was really good too. The Boyfriend ended up doing all the shopping this year during his lunch breaks in the 2 or 3 days leading up to Christmas. He really spoilt the kids like crazy. Kaeidyn got a stereo and a huge makeup kit, Kenzie got lots of lego stuff, Keirnan got Transformers stuff (“just like I wanted”) and Carter got some Minecraft stuff. They were all through the moon with their gifts. I got a cellphone from The Boyfriend, mostly because our house phone crapped out and we both got a new set of dishes.

After the older kids left to their Dad’s house, The Boyfriend, Carter and I went over to his sister’s place for a delicious turkey dinner. It was so different from how it normally works going over – typically there’s about 5 adults and 8 kids and you leave with such a headache from all the noise. This time, there was 4 adults and 2 kids and we left and everyone was quiet and no one had a headache. It was so different.

Today I dedicided, kind of out of the blue, to go over to my Mom’s for a little bit. I just felt a little cooped up and spur of the moment asked if she’d be down for company. That was a nice little bit of time out of the house. Ran into some people from what feels like a really long time ago and spent a little bit of the day in a funk over that and then watched one too many hours of Oprah, so now I’m in that state of kind of heartbroken hope (hopeful heartbreak?) that she has the ability to put me in.

I’ve got lots of stuff that I’m supposed to be doing. I said, when I came back to blogging, that I wasn’t going to do this again and then… Since I’m such a good little blog-a-holic, did exactly what I set out not to do. Although, I’m not doing it in my personal blogging, which I guess means I mostly succeeded.

On my immediate to-do list is add the finishing couple of sentences to two draft posts, queue up three posts, create and add a total of ten to twelve images to those three posts and that’s just what I need to get done in the next 3 or 4 hours. Tomorrow, I have to get to work on writing challenges and for some reason, I just can’t make myself focus on it for anything. Planning all of it, I’m doing great and I’m so organized and that whole part of it is working out beautifully and exactly as planned (yes I plan my planning, don’t you?!?). But actually doing it all… Just need to breathe and get to it!

I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to getting 2015 underway. I normally look forward to the coming year because it means the horrible year that has just happened will finally be over. 2014 wasn’t an altogether terrible year. We didn’t have nearly as much drama this year as we have in years past, our finances weren’t as dire as they have been in years past and even parenting, while not by any means easier, wasn’t as challenging as it has been in the past. So instead of looking forward to 2015 to escape the tragedy that was 2014, I’m actually looking forward to 2015 to continue on the decency that was 2014.

It’s a very different way of thinking for me…

Advertisements

Expected the Worse for Nothing

So, for all my moaning, the Christmas concert was actually a big success. I spent all day yesterday in an absolutely state of funk, just dreading what was ahead of me. The kids started getting ready ridiculously early and all looked so cute dressed up in their ties and dress shirts and dresses.

Kaeidyn was really upset with me right before we left. She tried walking out of the house wearing my high heel shoes. If they fit her properly, I probably wouldn’t have stopped her. But they’re about 3 sizes too big for her and honestly, a little inappropriate looking for a 10-year-old. I told her she wasn’t wearing them and for the rest of the night, the only response I got from her was pouting.

We arrived at the school with half an hour or so to spare before the concert got started. I ended up being incredibly grateful for it, because I got my choice in seats, the kids were all in their classrooms before the concert even started and all in all, it went rather smoothly.

Carter was up first. I already knew going into it which songs they were performing, but I wasn’t expecting him to whip out bells and start ringing them during his performance. As he’s up there singing and rocking out with his bells, brought a little tear to my eye. It’s hard to believe that I no longer have any babies…

I went and picked him up from his class during intermission and we both came back to the spots I had saved us and the next performance was Kenzie. Kenzie has gotten really into singing lately, and I swear you could hear him at the back of the gym. Then, it was Keirnan and he was happy to put on a show. The second part of the concert concluded with Kenzie and Keirnan singing in the choir and Carter absolutely loved watching their performance.

Last, but definitely not least, Kaeidyn was up. Both Carter and I were getting pretty restless by this point and he would not sit still for anything. As usual, Kaeidyn was perfection. She stood elegantly through her entire performance, she sang loud and proud and you could even see her encouraging her friends on either side of her. She sure is growing into quite the little girl.

The hardest part of the night was walking home in the dark of 8:30 with the wind whistling and the temperature being at least -25. My nose felt cold for hours after getting home. Two of the kids were grumpy and tired, so there was lots of whining and two of them were active and running all over the place, so there was lots of frustration coming from me. But we made it home and all in all, it was a great night.

Almost as soon as we got home, the kids had to go to bed because they still had school today. It was probably the fastest all four of them have fallen asleep at one time. While I waited for The Boyfriend to get home, I continued watching Nip/Tuck, which I recently started on Netflix, along with Grey’s Anatomy – both shows I never watched when they were on TV.

We didn’t get to bed until sometime around 3 AM, something that has been a common theme this week, as The Boyfriend’s been working lots of late night shifts. It’s hard to fall asleep at a decent hour when he doesn’t get home until midnight. And yes, I could technically go to bed before he gets off work, but it’s just not how we’ve ever rolled. Then, when we did go to bed, it took me a really long time to fall asleep. I just could not get comfortable, he was being a huge bed hog and sleep was just not coming easy for me.

By the time I did fall asleep, I felt like it was only minutes until I was up dealing with the kids as each one of them appeared at my bedroom door asking various questions. Once they left, I feel asleep really easily and ended sleeping over half the day away. When I did get woken up, to the sound of Carter talking to Minecraft, I couldn’t believe I had slept that long. Slowly dragged my butt out of bed and here I am.

Tomorrow, we’re heading down to my Mom’s for dinner. Not only am I looking forward to it because of delicious dinner and time with family, but we’re also planning on doing our Christmas shopping. The Boyfriend, for some reason, is very excited about it. I think it’s probably because he works where we’re shopping and therefore already has a plan on what he’s getting everyone. I hope that’s why anyways, because I have no idea what to get anyone for Christmas…

And now, it’s Christmas break, so two weeks with the kids. It should be interesting 😉

Countdown to Christmas Mumbo Jumbo

https://plus.google.com/u/0/105628325690137814860/posts/SAoeGUePbp9

My brain is seriously so filled up with stuff. It’s hard to differentiate, at this point, what the stuff that I need to retain is and isn’t. It’s my own fault really.

I can never tell if I really like this brain-filled state or if I really despise it. It’s almost a constant fluctuation between love and hate and maybe that adds to the brain-filled state. Back in the guitar ownership days, this would be a great time to be writing songs. Back in the coding obsession days, this would be a great time to be coding. In today’s day, it’s mostly just thinking and writing a lot about what I want to do and plan to do.

And that’s the part that is most frustrating about it all. Again, it’s my own fault really…

It seems to keep starting with Wikipedia. I go there to find out one thing, just one simple thing. It’s just something I want a quick answer to or that I’m curious about. Today, it was Oak Island because the last time I was at my Mom’s, there were these commercials about the show The Curse of Oak Island and then today, I read an article about Oak Island. Next thing you know, I’m reading all about the Ark of the Covenant and the Torah and Judiasm. You all remember what happened the last time I went on Wikipedia…

That is the start of the brain filling. Today and for everyday since the beginning of September, the kids have been in hardcore countdown mode for Christmas. I know for sure that I’ve talked about this before and in many different ways, but we are not celebrators of holidays. We’d like to be, but it’s hard to find a reason to when you have no religious or cultural reasons to do so, aside from capitalism. That’s a whole other rant for a completely different time (possibly even a completely different forum, and from a completely different person)…

Anyways, the countdown for Christmas is always this really rough time on my brain, because there is just so much to do. It starts with basically allowing everyone around me to plan what the kids are going to do for Christmas. Although it always really stresses me out, I’m always really thankful at the end of the year that the kids are surrounded by all this family. They go to their Dad’s, and their grandparents and ever since The Boyfriend and I have been together, we go as a family to at least two gatherings every Christmas, so planning all that – or rather, complying to others plans.

Then, the kids nag constantly about presents. They’ve all been on top of us every single day about getting their presents and what they want. Thinking about adding additional toys to their already over-flowing toy box is overwhelming to say the least. I know, I know – get rid of the old toys (I’m working on it). Thinking about all that money that doesn’t need to be spent, especially being that if I were a meaner parent, Santa would give my kids coal…

Every year, we get almost like a Christmas hamper from the school. Today, ours arrived. It took the focus off of the present (phew!) and now they are all over me about getting a Christmas tree. I keep pointing out to them that (a) You don’t need a tree to celebrate Christmas and (b) Last year, we didn’t even set up our Christmas tree until Christmas Eve and in the morning all of their present were there, just like they had been every single year before. I know that the reason they’re freaking out a little about it is that we had a Christmas tree in a box last year, but we had to throw that one away and haven’t bought another one yet. But again, refer to (a)…

And finally, the biggest stressor of the countdown to Christmas is the school concert. Last year, it was a disaster. One kid didn’t even make his performance, The Boyfriend missed the entire thing and the whole thing was seriously just a mess. The school sets it up weird and it’s a confusing thing to endure and it’s a night I’m supposed to be enjoying as a parent, but instead, ugh! And this year, I will have no other adults there with me – everyone has to work. Normally it’s The Boyfriend or my Mom, but this year, just me… Just thinking about it is making my pulse race. It is probably the most stressful night of the year…

I know, I’m like a big ole scrooge, grinchin’ it up. And I really seriously do hate that part of me, hate that I’m like that. It’s just one of those things I’ve never been able to kind of get over. And if I didn’t have kids, it wouldn’t matter at all and no one would think anything of it. But because I have kids, the whole game changes. And eventually, I’ll come to terms with that without question. However, until then, it will just be this thing that eats away at my holiday cheer.

Add on top of all that Christmas mumbo jumbo that I have about a million things that I’ve now decided I’m just going to call resolutions (even though, every year, I go through this spiel about how I don’t believe in resolutions and refuse to set any, and then go about setting them anyways, so it’s really no different; save for the fact that I’m no longer living in denial…), and I’m determined to do more than just talk about doing them.

However, that list is growing exponentially every single day and I’m starting to worry that there simply aren’t enough hours in the day… Can I just say again, “My brain feels like it’s going to explode a little bit…“?