Drained…

The last few days have not been very good. I’m blaming it on PMS, because I can and because it’s the only reason I can think that just suddenly, out-of-nowhere, I’m hit with this utterly drained of life feeling.

I woke up one day, just not feeling like myself. I was feeling pretty down about everything and tears kept coming to my eyes over the stupidest little things. I was getting easily upset by the little things that the kids were doing and just being so moody. And then, it just seemed to get worse.

That was about three days ago and I just can’t shake this drained type of feeling. I can’t say what particular emotion it is exactly, because it doesn’t really feel like one. I feel like I’m really old. My body has been hurting a lot and I know that it’s because my brain is hurting somewhere.

I don’t know where it spurred from, but I just started looking at all the areas of my life in which I feel like I’m failing. And it seems like every few months, this list grows exponentially. And then I get incredibly overwhelmed by the list and this whole thing happens.

I’ve been experimenting with things that will rid me of this feeling. First and foremost, decluttering my online space. This probably attributed to the beginning of the downward spiral but ultimately, I think it will beneficial. The last time I tried to declutter my online space, I basically gave up and left a lot of loose ends all over the place. I had been defeated. This time, I’m determined not to be defeated.

In some cases, this means trying to clear up stuff on the web from over five years ago and I can hardly remember yesterday. It’s been a frustrating experience to say the least, although the more I get done, the better it feels. However, until it’s done, I just can’t seem to focus on anything.

So, that’s where I’m at. Unable to hold my focus, feeling sore, feeling old, and just a little worn out…

 

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Back-To-School Stressors

Wow, it’s been awhile since I’ve actually published a post here. I’ve written a couple and saved them as drafts but haven’t actually published in a bit. Mostly because I’ve been feeling pretty overwhelmed.

I keep putting a lot of things on the back burner and then I feel rushed to catch up and it’s officially beginning to affect my mental well-being. I just feel stressed out all the time. And it’s not like I’m slacking on anything important, just mostly online work, but it’s very discouraging to not be able to take any of my great ideas into reality because of my lack of motivation…

It’s also been really warm and that’s putting a big stick in everything. Everyone is grumpier because of it, the kids seem to have a buttload more energy than normal and we all seem exhausted all the time from all the sweating and discomfort in the heat. I’ve been complaining about my hair a lot because it’s so long that it makes me feel hotter than it actually is.

The Boyfriend has a week of holidays coming up starting this weekend and I cannot tell you how excited I am for that. We’re hoping to get out for a beach day and I’m really hoping we’ll do one of our good old nature walks. I’m also hoping that we’ll figure out some sort of sleeping routine that will work a little better for us during that week – especially being that back to school is coming up soon.

And don’t even get me started about how stressed out all of that makes me feel. This time of year is always a really harsh time of year for me, and I always seem to forget how bad it is right up until it happens. Part of the biggest reason for it is that I would much rather homeschool my kids and I don’t and that often disappoints me. Originally, I had planned on homeschooling them but Alfie and much of my family was deadset against it. I caved (as I often did during those years) and put Kaeidyn into public school.

Then, that was just the natural progression of things from then on. A few years back, we started slacking pretty hard in terms of the kids schooling and it wasn’t until it was pointed out to me that I realized that part of the reason why we were slacking so hard is because I viewed the whole way they were being educated as such a failure on my part as a parent. To this day, I struggle with it and I notice that struggle the most as we come into the school year. But now, the kids like public school and they don’t want to be taken out of it.

It’s also Carter’s first year and first years always make me nervous. I mean, I’ve pretty much been doing them almost non-stop but it still just gets to me somehow. And I always tend to overthink the going back to school which makes me dread it even more and it’s just so much… I just have so much that I need to get done and it’s so hard to figure out what to get started with first…