We Sexted!!!

I love how, even after seven years of being together, The Boyfriend can still leave my mouth gaping in shock. I love how, even after a thousand and one sexual encounters, we can still have ones that just absolutely blows my mind.

I lay down, getting ready to watch a show and then go to sleep, when The Boyfriend texts me.

“I wish you drove. You could come by at lunch for a quickie. How awesome would that be?”

And I burst out laughing at the total unexpected-ness of it. Since when does my boyfriend even consider quickies?!?

So I respond, “Where would we sneak off to?”

Next thing you know, for the first time ever in our relationship, The Boyfriend and I are sexting. Now, I’m not new to sexting, he totally is. But this particular night, I felt like he was stealing my sexting virginity more than I was stealing his.

This experience was so much not like any other that I have ever had, in regards to technology and sex (sexting, cybering, camming, etc.). I mean, first and foremost, I’ve never done any of those things with people I was in relationships with. That right there completely changed the experience for me. Half the time, all I’d ever seen of the person was what they revealed online – so again, a big change.

But I just could not get over the fact that that was my boyfriend on the other end of the phone. I knew that he would be skillful with his words, because he does enjoy writing, but I didn’t expect him to be so good with the erotic words. I didn’t think he’d be good at setting up a scene, but I was so wrong.

For the first time ever in a sexting experience, I was not the one in control of the whole thing. Normally, I’m the one describing the scene, I’m the one using the sexy words, and the other person is responding with “Mm hmm” and other filler words. Not this time. I was the filler and he was in total control, and I felt so awkward the entire time, even though I had a raging lady boner going on.

He sent me a picture. I could not believe it as I quickly and eagerly pressed download. Let this just sink in for a minute. My boyfriend, the vanilla, won’t-try-anything-because-somehow-it-is-all-morally-wrong, introverted, button-down shirt wearing guy, the one who says no to my every fantasy, sent me a picture while he was sexting with me.

Mind-fucking-blown!!!!

He carries on skillfully crafting the most amazing story of us, his office and his desk. He claims it’s a quickie, but describes an elaborate and loud scene of amazing foreplay and sex. He asks for a picture from me and I happily oblige. Things get a little hotter and I send him another picture.

My phone rings and he finishes the story and begs me to cum over the phone for him. I don’t even remember anything that was said but again, sensual voice, amazing words – it took no time at all. I begged him to get a video of him finishing up.

The next day, we both spent the entire day desperate to feel each other, but it was a busy day. He had to sleep, we had family around, lots of kids, there was hardly any chance for anything. We waited all day, exchanging glances and subtly rubbing up against one another, and by the time bedtime rolled around and the house quieted, we were both more than ready to go.

We both whipped off our pants as fast as possible. We had fifteen minutes before he had to leave for work. A quickie on the couch was almost as good as the quickie on the desk that he had described and we both came quickly, with just enough time for final cuddles and lots of kisses before he left for work.

The hardest part about these graveyards is adjusting our sex life to fit the new schedule. It’s great when he takes the time to connect with me, especially when it’s through sexting, in the middle of the night. I just love how even after all this time together, he can make me fall in love with all over again, because it’s just that little extra effort.

I understand that you can’t do all the kinky things for me, but can you at least try? And sexting is a great first step!

Advertisements

This Has Never Happened…

With The Boyfriend on graveyards and the older three kids gone to their Dad’s, we’ve been doing a lot of lazing and vegetating. For the most part, I’ve been playing The Sims 4 and listening to a lot of music.

A new expansion came out for The Sims 4, which I went crazy tweeting and Instagram-ing about, because I was incredibly excited.

View this post on Instagram

It's happening!! #TheSims4 #TS4 #Get2Work

A post shared by Valerie Rayne (@valerierayne) on

They’ve finally added some things that I’ve personally never gotten to play before. I’m relatively new to The Sims franchise for PC, and have really only had a lot of experience for consoles. So I’m getting to try my hand at a lot of things that I’ve always wanted to try in The Sims – like going to work with my sim or running a business of my own.

I even added a place of my own to The Gallery, which I don’t think I’ve ever done before. I’m working on writing up a more detailed piece on that over here.

And music…

Recently, Grooveshark updated their entire site. I’ve been using Grooveshark for quite awhile and I don’t remember how I found it or why I chose it over all the other options, but with this recent update and where it looks like it’s going, I’m glad I use it. So, I’ve been going around updating all my stuff there and this has resulted in a lot of listening.

From the two eclectic pieces that I’ve shared on Google+:

https://plus.google.com/u/0/+ValerieRayne13/posts/47Gdy5vBX6z

https://plus.google.com/u/0/+ValerieRayne13/posts/1cHvhgujb59

And the new playlists that I’ve started working on (here and here) and my favorites. I’ve just been listening and adding and creating and editing like crazy on Grooveshark.

Tomorrow the kids finally come home. I keep saying that it’s a good thing too, because maybe it will finally be quiet around here. Carter has been so talkative since they’ve been gone that it’s rarely quiet. And when he’s not talking, he’s beatboxing. And while I love both of those things greatly, it gets tired after 8 hours straight…

Then, we get to go for Easter Dinner tomorrow night and see some people we haven’t seen in years and finally, I get to see my sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew and I couldn’t be more excited about that. I only get to see them about once a year, so it’s always a pretty big deal.

Honestly, this last week and this upcoming week are probably going to end up being my favorite two weeks of this year. Lots of goodness happening, lots of lack of stress, I feel pretty darn content.

This has never happened…

This is my brain on graveyards…

On one hand, adjusting to graveyards has been exceptionally easy. It fits mine and The Boyfriend’s sleep schedule better, it works out for the way we typically manage to spend our days anyways, and on many levels it just seems to fit.

However, on the other hand, I’ve done a lot of staring. I’ve done a lot of mind-numbing type activities. I’ve done a lot of not thinking. And I’ve been avoiding doing anything that involves using my brain – unless you count shooting random people on GTA or making the same dish over and over in some random online game.

A huge portion of my days are spent sleeping. Then almost as soon as I wake up, it’s Netflix. I spend the rest of the night with Netflix on in the background and I’m playing games on my computer – namely Hotel Giant 2, The Sims 4 and Youda Sushi Chef 2. I hate that I’m doing it the entire time that I’m doing it, but I just don’t have the capacity to do anything else.

I figure this is just part of the adjustment to graveyards and that soon, The Boyfriend and I will figure out exactly how the new routine will work so that I can get back to all my stuff. Because I have been absolutely neglecting everything. It started with just computer-related stuff and I was still keeping up with stuff like Twitter and Facebook, which I check from my phone. But now, it’s nothing. I just don’t even consider it. And my brain just doesn’t go there.

It’s also been two weeks now since I last got laid, so that may be part of my lack of anything productive. I’ve always said that after three days, I tend to get really bitchy. I haven’t gotten bitchy yet and oddly enough, I haven’t even really been all that crazy for sex (which is just so unlike me…). Again, I’m blaming it on graveyards.

Yet another excuse (haha!), our crappy crappy Alberta weather. Have I ever told you how much I absolutely hate it?!?

We went through first winter and it was a relatively decent winter. Then, we went through second winter (which is a normal and usual occurrence), and it was a little rougher than first winter. Then, we were breaking into spring. Still cold but the snow was beginning to melt and all Albertans took their annual sigh of relief. Then, suddenly and without any warning, we were struck with third winter. We hate third winter more than any of the other winters, because it utterly robs you of any hope you had of visiting the beach that year!

So, just as we are all completely robbed of hope and utterly destroyed, suddenly and swiftly, we have a day that rivals the best summer days available in this dreary city. The ice cream truck made it’s first trip of the year down our street – though it was only recognized by one of our children, even though three of them were outside (oddity). Today, we awoke to gray skies and brisk wind bustling the leaves that have yet to turn green.

Crappy, crappy Alberta weather. It’s unpredictable, it’s unsatisfying, it’s unhealthy…

I keep telling everyone I want to move to Denmark. It’s one of the highest ranked countries for happiness, it sounds like a place that I would love, and I read the other day that the average highs are around seventeen degree celsius and lows are around one degree. And that they have lots of rain – and rain is my favorite weather! No one except for me is down to move to Denmark and so I dream…

The Last Week…

I can’t believe how long it’s been since I last wrote… It’s not for lack of things to write about or even a lack of desire to write about them, I just haven’t had a chance to get on my computer at all this last week. And then when I have had the chance, it’s the very last thing I’ve wanted to do.

This last week has been incredibly stressful. First, The Boyfriend went back to work after having a week off and he’s officially back on graveyards. I cannot tell you how mixed my emotions surrounding this have been. Then, we had our bi-annual inspection today and that always brings me more stress than is necessary.

I’ve spent the last week in a total and exhausting funk. And we knew that it was going to happen, as it almost always does during inspection time, and I warned The Boyfriend ahead of time. Unfortunately, the first week back on graveyards is always all consuming and so there was a definite feeling of lacking support this week that just made everything so much worse than usual.

Kaeidyn and I were trading off the stress about the inspection for the entire week. One minute I’d be all worked up and then just as I’d start to calm, she’d get all worked up and we just kept going back and forth like that constantly.

Our house got incredibly cleaned, which is the good thing out of all of it. Our floor finally got the mopping it was desperately craving, the snow melted enough that we were able to clean up most of the yard and we’ve decided that eventually we’re doing a big dump of all the clothes that we’ve managed to amass in our basement – most of which have been in the basement for months…

I was so upset last night. I was up late finishing up the last little bits of cleaning before inspection day and all of a sudden I hear a sound. Next thing I know, Kenzie’s puking all over all the cleaning I had just finished. Today, all the boys had upset stomachs and headaches. I hate when they all get sick all at once, because it’s always that much more overwhelming. Although it’s nice that it’s over and done with quicker.

I’ve been neglecting all my computer-related stuff for the last week and haven’t even checked in on most of it, other than the notifications I get on my phone. I’ve been thinking about blogging a lot and I’ve decided that I really want to change my blog theme and update it a little and stuff. I feel like it needs it or something. But I imagine it will take a few days before I make an official decision and then it will take a week or two to get it all changed and set up the way I like. But I’m thinking about it…

I’ve also been spending some time reading through my blogs from four or five years ago and it’s giving me some ideas for posts in the future and some other stuff, so I imagine that’s going to be an interesting little thing to explore as I get re-acquainted with my computer, now that my funk can be over for a little bit now.

Ranting About Sleep and Blogging

I seriously need to put an end to this crazy sleep schedule The Boyfriend and I are currently on. As I write this post, it is 4 AM in the morning. I woke up at 1 PM yesterday and haven’t slept yet and at the rate we’re going, it doesn’t look like we’re going to sleep for a bit yet.

For him, it makes sense. He’s gearing up for graveyards, he’s on holidays. But me… I mean, yes, I am a total night owl but this is just not natural…

It doesn’t help that all my creative energy decides to start flowing best after 2 AM and it doesn’t help that late at night is the only time that there aren’t a bunch of kids making a bunch of noise and it definitely doesn’t help that The Boyfriend and I can so easily go on for hours and hours and hours after what should reasonably be our bedtime.

At least when I stay up late like this, it’s not like I’m just sitting around doing nothing. I’m getting tons and tons and tons done. I’m getting so much done online that it’s a little bit ridiculous. I’m checking things off my virtual to-do list before they even make it on there. And I wish I could say that it felt good, but I just keep thinking I’m forgetting something and I definitely keep thinking I should be doing more.

Then I kick myself in the ass for even beginning to think like that. I told myself I wouldn’t. It always happens this way too. I spend a lot of time on my computer stuff. The things that I absolutely need to get done on the computer, such as The Erotic Writers Group’s #WritingChallenges for #EroticWriters, can sometimes take me up to six hours and that happens at least twice a week, not to mention the good two hours I spend every day on it. And I haven’t even begun to factor in my own personal blogging goals, which always come secondary to the group.

So I start to think that I’m working a full-time job here, I should start figuring out how to monetize it in some way, especially being that there is so much that I still want to do and so much of it requires money. I should host a Kickstarter campaign, I should sell eBooks, I should make products and use affiliate links and… and… and…

And then I remember, that is exactly why I took my last blogging hiatus and every blogging hiatus I’ve ever taken. It’s too much pressure, too much to think about, too much on top of everything else.

One day, I’ll have a team of people who will help me fundraise and help me sell books and blah blah blah, but for today, I just need to focus on the content, focus on the community, focus on the blogging and forget about all the other stuff.

A Secondary Partner… Not So Crazy, Right?

Being a high sex drive kinkster with a low sex drive vanilla partner in a monogamous relationship is just about the hardest thing ever.

I reached that breaking point again last night. That point where I’m sick of putting my desires aside, sick of putting my sexuality on the back burner, and blurted out again that I wanted a secondary partner.

It seems to happen every single time we get here. I don’t want him to be something he’s not, but I don’t want to deny myself something that I so desperately desire. Like my favorite part of Nymphomaniac, I want him to be Shia Leboeuf and tell me that I’m a tiger and I need to be fed… Alas, he doesn’t and I’m left wanting more.

It’s terrible because I have this intense internal war with myself that seems to grow and build and grow and build. I feel guilty for my desires a lot of the time because they seem so all consuming. Maybe it’s because it’s the only complaint we have in our relationship, but it feels like it’s this huge unsolvable problem. And my desires are the cause of that problem, my constant, nagging, neverending urge to have sex and then have more sex and give head and orgasm. And then, I argue that I shouldn’t feel guilty for these desires because they are the most normal desires in the whole entire world. I beat myself up for feeling guilty because I shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to be my “authentic sexual self”.

And by the time the internal war is raging beyond bloodshed in my head, I have no choice but to blurt out these thoughts. Because he falls asleep on me during yet another attempt at a second orgasm, I am pushed over the edge on the internal war, and with him going to graveyards soon, I am just terrified of what it’s going to be like.

If at this moment, I feel like I’m not getting enough sex, not getting enough of the kind of sex I want, not being sexually satiated, then how the hell am I going to feel when he’ll basically be incapable of having sex at all in a few months?!?

And yes, there are workarounds and it’s not like I won’t be getting any action at all. I did get pregnant with his child while he was working graveyards, so it’s not like it’s total celibacy. But, I just can’t see it being a better situation than we have now and I definitely can’t see it staying like this…

I hate that in these moments it seems like the only logical move is to break up, because I feel like it’s so irrational. But then I do stuff like go to groups on FetLife for kinksters with vanilla partners and I think back to conversations on the web from long ago, and I just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. The reality is that he will probably never suddenly become kinky and we will have to “compromise”. And by compromise, I mean that he will continue to get what he wants and I’ll continue to get nothing that I want, except the irregular vanilla sex session.

So, I blurt out things like I want a secondary partner. What I really want is for him to wake up and become the man of my dreams, or at least put some effort into becoming the sexual partner I deserve!

I deserve someone who is going to worship every single curve of this body that has brought four beautiful children into the world and nursed them and raised them. I deserve someone who will hunger for the taste of me and relish in the delicate folds of my wet lips. I deserve someone who will nurture my intelligence and care for my mind. I deserve someone who will sacrifice sleep just to watch me orgasm one more time. I deserve someone who cares enough to be that someone…

I blurt out things like I want a secondary partner, because I don’t expect him to miraculously change. I know that he can’t give me it all, especially being that there’s a lot of it. And like I said to him, “It’s not that you’re inadequate. It’s that I’m a lot. It’s ridiculous to think that one person can handle it all!” – and I honestly believe that.

He says an absolute no to the secondary partner idea every single time. It’s an immediate response. I don’t know why I expect anything different every single time, but I do. And I am disappointed every single time.

The exact same conversation plays over and over at this point. Me going on about how a secondary partner isn’t that outrageous of an idea, that I can’t stand the way this makes me feel, drudging up deep and profound thoughts on my sexuality. He basically sits there pouting and every once and awhile will interject something about jealousy or how my feelings on this whole thing make him feel insecure.

The conversation always ends with no resolution, no solution, nothing. Basically, we both spout and then act as if the whole thing never happened. Normally, I’ll get really great sex that night – not kinky or anything and he’ll probably still fall asleep as I attempt my second orgasm – but great sex. And in a few weeks time, this whole process will repeat itself.

How many years can a person survive like that?

Time for the Neglect to End!

I have been neglecting The Erotic Writers Group and our #WritingChallenges for two weeks now. I hate it and I’m ready for the neglect to end!

I’m blaming it on a few different things. First, the massive amount of graveyard shifts The Boyfriend has been working lately. I think he’s up to four so far. I guess it’s part of preparing him for full-time graveyards or something, since he’ll be going to that sometime near his birthday. I cannot tell you how unhappy I am about it and yet, how happy I am for him about it.

I know he really liked working graveyards. He also seemed to be able to progress through the ranks faster when he was working graveyards, whereas on days, he’s been stuck for a really long time. I know that for him, graveyards is a better deal. So, I’m happy for him but I’m dreading the whole graveyard thing…

It screws with my sleep so much. I stay up later on nights before he works, getting ready for the shift with him. I sleep later because as long as he’s still in bed, I stay in bed. I need to get to a place where I can just carry on as if he’s not working graveyards… Maybe that will come after the first 3 months or so…

I’ve also been busy offline, trying to keep the house clean. It is not being an easy task at all. Now that we’re cleaning more often it seems like the house is getting dirtier so much faster. It’s truly exhausting and I have officially decided that when I win the lottery (after I start playing), my first mission is to get a housemaid, because I’d like to retire from the duty of cleaning altogether.

I made the boys cleaning out the toy box yesterday and you cannot believe how much that seemed to cheer me up. Getting rid of all the broken and mismatched toys was just about the best thing ever. However, now they’ve discovered toys they haven’t seen in months from the bottom of the toybox and so toys are strewn everywhere right now. It’s a bit of a pain, but it’s one of those ones that you end up being grateful for.

So, my goal this weekend is to get back to our #WritingChallenges for #EroticWriters, complete a project that I’ve been working on for about a week (and that I’m keeping mum about it until it’s done) and keep my living room clean for the whole weekend! Plus, I’ve got dinner down at my Mom’s, where I plan to play guitar for at least 2 hours. So, YAY for the weekend!!

Anyone got any big plans for Valentine’s Day?

Last Two Days

I’ve been slacking so hard the last two days, just barely completing any of my absolutely-must-get-done to-do’s. And not for any good reasons like illness or whatnot, but mostly because of Netflix. One night, I spent the entire night watching the entire second season of #TheFall.

I’ve been getting the stuff done, but I’ve been rushing through it and leaving it to the last minute and I’ve even neglected to update a few things, mostly on purpose. I’m trying my hardest to avoid the dreaded burnout that I’m sure is bound to hit when it’s most inconvenient.

The next day, I spent almost all day reading and downloading stuff all over the place. I’m doing a lot of things that I was planning on not doing this year in my blogging life – just getting distracted on it all.

It probably doesn’t help much that the kids have all been begging for attention. The second The Boyfriend leaves his spot on the couch, they’re all fighting to sit on me and around me. And everyone wants to tell stories that go on endlessly. They are a constant barrage of noise.

Kaeidyn has gotten into the habit of trying to be sarcastic, except most of the time it just comes out sounding like she’s being a total douche. More than once she’s gotten in trouble for what she considered innocent bantering because the parents thought it sounded beyond rude.

Keirnan has been instigating all sorts of trouble lately. He’s always been really good at sneaking. He’s a quiet little dude and he knows it. Half the time, you’re screaming at one kid for something, just to find out that Keirnan was the one behind it all. Tonight as the boys are going to bed, Kenzie keeps laughing and the parents are getting mad at Kenzie. Go upstairs and watch for a few seconds, turns out Keirnan is sitting there tickling Kenzie.

Carter has been a neverending ball of energy ever since he got his stitches. He wakes up in the morning and he’s talking away and running all over the house. We’ve been walking to and from school together for months now and normally it’s a pretty silent walk save for the few times I tell him to hurry up. If I ask him questions, he’ll normally just not answer or will do something like, “Fine”. Lately, it’s been non-stop talking the whole way home.

The Boyfriend was recently asked if he’d go back on graveyard. It’s been a few years since he was permanently on it and has been doing about one or two nights every couple of months pretty much ever since leaving nights. They’ve told him that they want him to move up to the “next level” but he needs to do a year on nights first.

I don’t want to say no to him, but I don’t want to say yes either. I hate the idea of him going back on nights so much but not for any good reasons. Maybe I need to read back through some of the blogs from that time period, because I remember not liking it while he was doing it.

We haven’t really sat down to have a discussion about it, because there is still quite awhile to decide. They knew that he would want to talk to me about it before making a decision, so they asked quite awhile in advance. Thank goodness too, because I would not have to make that decision lightly.

So, that’s been my last two days in a nutshell. How has yours been?

Phew!

I have been having a fairly productive week. Even my house is cleaner than it normally is by a Thursday and I am all caught up on what was an insanely long to-do list, at least for a day or two. It’s been pretty nice!

On Monday, my brother, who I haven’t seen for some time, came back into town. He is doing splendidly living out in BC and it’s been great getting to spend some time with him. The only thing that would make it even better is if I got to spend some time with my sister too! It’s been really nice having him around, I missed him so much.

I’ve been working really hard on The Erotic Writers Group stuff and have managed to publish three blog posts and keep up on all our #WritingChallenges for #EroticWriters and generally, I’m getting tons done where that is concerned. I’m feeling really good about that. I was so worried that I wouldn’t get anything done when I said I would and that I would be so bogged down by it all that I wouldn’t want to do it. But, I’ve actually been surprising myself frequently with my dedication and motivation right now.

The Boyfriend went back to work today after a great three days off. He has a couple overnight shifts this week too which should be interesting. He used to work graveyards all the time and it was the worst thing in the world. I absolutely hated him working graveyards, specifically because of the kids, but also because I used to sketch out really bad at night.

He quit graveyards sometime after Carter was born, after I basically told him, “You quit or we’re done”. Then, when he got promoted, it was part of the promotion that every couple of months he has to do a couple nights of graveyards. I always forget how much I hated it until the day before it happens, and then I remember how nervous being alone at night makes me. Don’t even know why for sure, it just does. But, he loves the graveyards, so I guess it all works out 😉

Tonight, I plan on vegging on Netflix for the night. I’ve got so many shows underway right now, plus they’re bringing out tons of new stuff that I really want to see, so I gotta get down to watching and removing stuff from my list. I’ve got 2 seasons left of Nip/Tuck, probably 8 or so of Grey’s Anatomy (both shows that I never watched on TV). They just added the 3rd season of Call the Midwife, which I’m watching with Kaeidyn. Then The Boyfriend and I are currently working our way through House and The X-Files. I’m absolutely looking forward to new seasons of Orange is the New Black and The Fall and that doesn’t even take into consideration the 30 or so movies I have saved and the massive amount of documentaries I’m holding onto.

There just isn’t enough time at all for everything!