This is my brain on graveyards…

On one hand, adjusting to graveyards has been exceptionally easy. It fits mine and The Boyfriend’s sleep schedule better, it works out for the way we typically manage to spend our days anyways, and on many levels it just seems to fit.

However, on the other hand, I’ve done a lot of staring. I’ve done a lot of mind-numbing type activities. I’ve done a lot of not thinking. And I’ve been avoiding doing anything that involves using my brain – unless you count shooting random people on GTA or making the same dish over and over in some random online game.

A huge portion of my days are spent sleeping. Then almost as soon as I wake up, it’s Netflix. I spend the rest of the night with Netflix on in the background and I’m playing games on my computer – namely Hotel Giant 2, The Sims 4 and Youda Sushi Chef 2. I hate that I’m doing it the entire time that I’m doing it, but I just don’t have the capacity to do anything else.

I figure this is just part of the adjustment to graveyards and that soon, The Boyfriend and I will figure out exactly how the new routine will work so that I can get back to all my stuff. Because I have been absolutely neglecting everything. It started with just computer-related stuff and I was still keeping up with stuff like Twitter and Facebook, which I check from my phone. But now, it’s nothing. I just don’t even consider it. And my brain just doesn’t go there.

It’s also been two weeks now since I last got laid, so that may be part of my lack of anything productive. I’ve always said that after three days, I tend to get really bitchy. I haven’t gotten bitchy yet and oddly enough, I haven’t even really been all that crazy for sex (which is just so unlike me…). Again, I’m blaming it on graveyards.

Yet another excuse (haha!), our crappy crappy Alberta weather. Have I ever told you how much I absolutely hate it?!?

We went through first winter and it was a relatively decent winter. Then, we went through second winter (which is a normal and usual occurrence), and it was a little rougher than first winter. Then, we were breaking into spring. Still cold but the snow was beginning to melt and all Albertans took their annual sigh of relief. Then, suddenly and without any warning, we were struck with third winter. We hate third winter more than any of the other winters, because it utterly robs you of any hope you had of visiting the beach that year!

So, just as we are all completely robbed of hope and utterly destroyed, suddenly and swiftly, we have a day that rivals the best summer days available in this dreary city. The ice cream truck made it’s first trip of the year down our street – though it was only recognized by one of our children, even though three of them were outside (oddity). Today, we awoke to gray skies and brisk wind bustling the leaves that have yet to turn green.

Crappy, crappy Alberta weather. It’s unpredictable, it’s unsatisfying, it’s unhealthy…

I keep telling everyone I want to move to Denmark. It’s one of the highest ranked countries for happiness, it sounds like a place that I would love, and I read the other day that the average highs are around seventeen degree celsius and lows are around one degree. And that they have lots of rain – and rain is my favorite weather! No one except for me is down to move to Denmark and so I dream…

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A Mundane Dose

I had gone to bed last full of plans for today (and by today, I really mean yesterday, but I haven’t slept yet, so today…) – so many plans that The Boyfriend was actually rolling his eyes at me. Then the alarm went off this morning. I decided right then and there that today was not going to be nearly as productive as I was planning for it to be.

For the first time ever, I was wrong!

It felt like time was moving by so slowly and I started getting frustrated with the fact that I hadn’t heard The Boyfriend leave to get coffees yet. I came downstairs with the initial plan to just go back to bed but ended up staying downstairs and waiting as The Boyfriend took Carter to school and then got coffees.

I played some Minecraft for awhile. This needs to be explained a little bit. When we first got Minecraft, however long ago, I was super obsessed with it. I was playing almost daily, learning how to use redstone, building metropolis’ – I mean, nothing ever got finished, but I was making some pretty awesome stuff. And then the kids and The Boyfriend all became super obsessed with it. I was able to make it through when everyone was watching tutorial videos but when they all started watching stuff about mods and these crazy creations from Minecraft YouTubers and they all started building better and cooler things than I could even come up with, I lost interest in the game.

I also have a lot of other stuff going on, so playing games like Minecraft (which is incredibly easy to waste an entire day on), is not such a great idea…

I abandoned it for quite a long time and recently, due to beacons, I started experimenting with it again. However, when I say that I played Minecraft, what I really mean is that I loaded up a map, explore it until I died and then started a new map. Normally that would be in creative and I’d build just long enough to decide that I hate the whole thing and I’ll start a new map. And it’s this constant and never-ending play a map for a few minutes, make a new one, play for a few minutes, make a new one – and that’s playing Minecraft for me right now.

So, I played Minecraft for a bit and then The Boyfriend mentioned that he had to run in to work. Part of the big plan for this weekend was to go grocery shopping. We didn’t get it done over the weekend but if he was going to work anyway, he might as well pick up some of the groceries while he was there. But then I started thinking that it would be smarter for me to go.

He’s a great shopper, don’t get me wrong. He buys all the right brands that we all like, picks out the right food and can recognize a great bargain. My only complaint is that unless specifically instructed, he shops for like two meals at a time or breakfast, lunch and dinner for two days. And I know his thinking is that he can pick up whatever we need on his next day of work, but I’m just better at the whole buying bigger quantities for less – mainly because it’s the only way I’ve ever shopped.

We went back and forth forever and eventually ended up deciding that we would go shopping. The Boyfriend had to be at work at a specific time, so we went to our first store to get the bulk of our shopping done. I told him I could do it half an hour or less and exactly half an hour later we were walking out spending $100 less than I had planned to spend! Then we went over to his work and he did what he had to get done while I picked up the rest of the groceries, and because that’s what you do when you’re shopping at Wal-Mart, I even ended up getting a few things that weren’t on my list.

It’s not that I’m really great at shopping overall. If I had to shop for anyone else but my family, I’d be screwed. But shopping for my family, I just always surprise myself at how good I can be at it sometimes. How my bad math ends up working in my favor a lot of the times and how I can be so fast and efficient and it just generally fills me with a great sense of pride. I like that feeling in mundane doses 😉

So after shopping was all done, we came home and while it took me forever and a day to get motivated to move at all, The Boyfriend and I ended up tidying up the kitchen. Now tomorrow, which I have tons of plans for, will already be one step closer to done. Finally, I made steak and fries for dinner (which was utterly delicious) and sat down with the family to watch a couple of episodes of Full House and That 70’s Show on Netflix before sending the kids off to bed.

All in all, I couldn’t have planned it any better!

 

Phew!

I have been having a fairly productive week. Even my house is cleaner than it normally is by a Thursday and I am all caught up on what was an insanely long to-do list, at least for a day or two. It’s been pretty nice!

On Monday, my brother, who I haven’t seen for some time, came back into town. He is doing splendidly living out in BC and it’s been great getting to spend some time with him. The only thing that would make it even better is if I got to spend some time with my sister too! It’s been really nice having him around, I missed him so much.

I’ve been working really hard on The Erotic Writers Group stuff and have managed to publish three blog posts and keep up on all our #WritingChallenges for #EroticWriters and generally, I’m getting tons done where that is concerned. I’m feeling really good about that. I was so worried that I wouldn’t get anything done when I said I would and that I would be so bogged down by it all that I wouldn’t want to do it. But, I’ve actually been surprising myself frequently with my dedication and motivation right now.

The Boyfriend went back to work today after a great three days off. He has a couple overnight shifts this week too which should be interesting. He used to work graveyards all the time and it was the worst thing in the world. I absolutely hated him working graveyards, specifically because of the kids, but also because I used to sketch out really bad at night.

He quit graveyards sometime after Carter was born, after I basically told him, “You quit or we’re done”. Then, when he got promoted, it was part of the promotion that every couple of months he has to do a couple nights of graveyards. I always forget how much I hated it until the day before it happens, and then I remember how nervous being alone at night makes me. Don’t even know why for sure, it just does. But, he loves the graveyards, so I guess it all works out 😉

Tonight, I plan on vegging on Netflix for the night. I’ve got so many shows underway right now, plus they’re bringing out tons of new stuff that I really want to see, so I gotta get down to watching and removing stuff from my list. I’ve got 2 seasons left of Nip/Tuck, probably 8 or so of Grey’s Anatomy (both shows that I never watched on TV). They just added the 3rd season of Call the Midwife, which I’m watching with Kaeidyn. Then The Boyfriend and I are currently working our way through House and The X-Files. I’m absolutely looking forward to new seasons of Orange is the New Black and The Fall and that doesn’t even take into consideration the 30 or so movies I have saved and the massive amount of documentaries I’m holding onto.

There just isn’t enough time at all for everything!

Expected the Worse for Nothing

So, for all my moaning, the Christmas concert was actually a big success. I spent all day yesterday in an absolutely state of funk, just dreading what was ahead of me. The kids started getting ready ridiculously early and all looked so cute dressed up in their ties and dress shirts and dresses.

Kaeidyn was really upset with me right before we left. She tried walking out of the house wearing my high heel shoes. If they fit her properly, I probably wouldn’t have stopped her. But they’re about 3 sizes too big for her and honestly, a little inappropriate looking for a 10-year-old. I told her she wasn’t wearing them and for the rest of the night, the only response I got from her was pouting.

We arrived at the school with half an hour or so to spare before the concert got started. I ended up being incredibly grateful for it, because I got my choice in seats, the kids were all in their classrooms before the concert even started and all in all, it went rather smoothly.

Carter was up first. I already knew going into it which songs they were performing, but I wasn’t expecting him to whip out bells and start ringing them during his performance. As he’s up there singing and rocking out with his bells, brought a little tear to my eye. It’s hard to believe that I no longer have any babies…

I went and picked him up from his class during intermission and we both came back to the spots I had saved us and the next performance was Kenzie. Kenzie has gotten really into singing lately, and I swear you could hear him at the back of the gym. Then, it was Keirnan and he was happy to put on a show. The second part of the concert concluded with Kenzie and Keirnan singing in the choir and Carter absolutely loved watching their performance.

Last, but definitely not least, Kaeidyn was up. Both Carter and I were getting pretty restless by this point and he would not sit still for anything. As usual, Kaeidyn was perfection. She stood elegantly through her entire performance, she sang loud and proud and you could even see her encouraging her friends on either side of her. She sure is growing into quite the little girl.

The hardest part of the night was walking home in the dark of 8:30 with the wind whistling and the temperature being at least -25. My nose felt cold for hours after getting home. Two of the kids were grumpy and tired, so there was lots of whining and two of them were active and running all over the place, so there was lots of frustration coming from me. But we made it home and all in all, it was a great night.

Almost as soon as we got home, the kids had to go to bed because they still had school today. It was probably the fastest all four of them have fallen asleep at one time. While I waited for The Boyfriend to get home, I continued watching Nip/Tuck, which I recently started on Netflix, along with Grey’s Anatomy – both shows I never watched when they were on TV.

We didn’t get to bed until sometime around 3 AM, something that has been a common theme this week, as The Boyfriend’s been working lots of late night shifts. It’s hard to fall asleep at a decent hour when he doesn’t get home until midnight. And yes, I could technically go to bed before he gets off work, but it’s just not how we’ve ever rolled. Then, when we did go to bed, it took me a really long time to fall asleep. I just could not get comfortable, he was being a huge bed hog and sleep was just not coming easy for me.

By the time I did fall asleep, I felt like it was only minutes until I was up dealing with the kids as each one of them appeared at my bedroom door asking various questions. Once they left, I feel asleep really easily and ended sleeping over half the day away. When I did get woken up, to the sound of Carter talking to Minecraft, I couldn’t believe I had slept that long. Slowly dragged my butt out of bed and here I am.

Tomorrow, we’re heading down to my Mom’s for dinner. Not only am I looking forward to it because of delicious dinner and time with family, but we’re also planning on doing our Christmas shopping. The Boyfriend, for some reason, is very excited about it. I think it’s probably because he works where we’re shopping and therefore already has a plan on what he’s getting everyone. I hope that’s why anyways, because I have no idea what to get anyone for Christmas…

And now, it’s Christmas break, so two weeks with the kids. It should be interesting 😉

Nymphomaniac

Netflix recently added two titles that I decided to spend four hours on last night. Nymphomaniac Volume I and II. It’s one of the rare times I’ve left a movie on Netflix and had to give it a 5-star rating, because this movie seriously moved me.

I often have a huge attraction to these types of films for a whole lot of different reasons. Firstly, because they’re the only movies where women’s sexuality closely resembles my own desires, and you don’t feel isolated by that which you can’t relate to. I tend to be more moved by stories of highly sexualized women, because I am one.

Second, they are often very artistically done, and I can’t tell you how much I really appreciate that in a film. For example, Nymphomaniac started with a black screen and just sounds in the background. Then, there was a good few minutes where you were following sounds of a desolate alley as a light rain/snow fell – like the rain falling on the tin roof, or the squeak of a fan slowly turning, or the gentle clink of some kind of windchime. Scenes like this are so poetic to me and touch me on such a deep level. The movie is 100x better because of this small attention to detail.

Thirdly, these movies are often really great at making you think and use your brain – and movies like this always really excite me. They make you question your current ways of thinking about gender and the roles that plays in your life, sexuality and your thoughts regarding the whole spectrum of things that term encompasses, relationships and love and intimacy. All my favorite things to think about! I often walk away from these movies feeling like some profound change in my person has occured, and it’s one step closer to being the me I’ve always dreamed of being – and a movie that can do that to you… Pretty spectacular!

The Boyfriend came home from work about half an hour before I finished Volume II – the longer of the two movies. I paused to explain what was going on so that he could at least kind of watch, and in that paused time we talked and talked and talked. From his updates about work, to my thoughts about the movie so far, and even a quick run-down of the news aritcles we had both read throughout the day. Then, we watched the final thirty minutes.

Let me tell you, I was absolutely blown away by the ending. I was so upset by that ending (as I seem to be with many things that I’m watching lately), and I ranted and raved about the validation and then the sudden violation, I gawked and moaned. It was the perfect ending and the absolutely most terrible ending all in one swift blow and I loved it more for it and hated it all at the same time!

Since it was already getting late, The Boyfriend suggested we move upstairs. I had a feeling that we were probably going to get sexual with each other, but I wasn’t exactly sure since he was feeling pretty exhausted. After I laid down in bed and got all comfy, he kinda wrapped his arms around part of me so that he could lift me up on top of him. I was absolutely surprised to find him absolutely hard.

The sex was incredible! So incredible that out of nowhere, after years of begging, three hard slaps befell my rear and the experience from that point on was blissful. I had gone into the whole session thinking to myself that this and this and this thing was not going to happen because of all the denials that have been made to me. Like my go-to, I’m not going to give him oral sex unless he gives me oral sex – and all of those thoughts floated out of my mind and I couldn’t wait to give him more, give him anything.

And, after a really long time, too long of a time, I finally got oral. It felt so different than I remembered it, as I’m sure it always does after a long time of not having it. Two new modifications to a position spiced things up near the end and even though he basically begged for anal, we never actually got there. The orgasm, at the exact same moment, where I held him tighter than I ever have with my legs and arms wrapped about him and he gently kissed and stroked my neck and moved the hair out of my face, was the perfect cap to the incredible sex.

I rolled to the side, a sort of euphoric glow surrounding me, and he came up tight behind me and rubbed my arm gently before giving me the final kiss and saying “I love you”. I felt nothing but extreme gratefulness and absolute relief.

Today he kissed me and bit my lip gently as he pulled away. That grateful relief came flooding back to me.