That Particular Ex

I had an incredibly rough weekend that ended up being much more emotional than it should’ve been. I seriously have to give the biggest props to The Boyfriend for knowing just exactly how to support me without me once needing to ask for a single thing. He was clingy and cuddly at the perfect moments and gave me my space exactly when I needed it. I am incredibly lucky.

It started at my Mom’s. We had been asked to help my cousin move, so Mom volunteered to take the kids for the night. The Boyfriend had worked the night before and worked his butt off moving everything and we were both pretty exhausted by the time we got back to Mom’s at about nine.

Carter suddenly decided he wanted to come home. Originally, The Boyfriend and I were okay with him coming home. But then Mom wanted him to stay. Of course, by this point she had already started drinking, and instead of being nice to us about him staying, she snapped that we weren’t allowed to take him home and that he was staying with Grandma tonight. Now, I know that she meant it playfully and I know that she wasn’t trying to be rude, but my exhausted brain and The Boyfriend’s exhausted brain took it all as horribly offensive.

Just as we convinced Carter to stay, she threw up her hands and said “Whatever, take him home!” and the whole drama-for-no-reason just hit me. We made Carter stay, because he decided he was good, and when we left, I broke down in tears. It took me a bit to realize why I cried as hard as I did…

We got home and The Boyfriend and I enjoyed some quiet time together. It was honestly a seriously beautiful night and around midnight, we headed up to our room and commenced an intense blowjob session. Sleeping came easy.

Three hours later, our doorbell rung. It was Alfie. He had come into town for a night rather suddenly. He kept saying that it was because he missed the kids and wanted to see the kids. About an hour and a half into his early morning visit, I get a message from an ex-girlfriend of his asking where he is. Turns out, he’s not actually here to see the kids. He’s here to get a booty call from his ex but his phone died and so he didn’t have her address. So instead of going anywhere else or figuring anything else out, he came here.

I’ve been prepared for Alfie to start hooking up with other people for quite a long time now and I’ve been curious about how I might react. With Alfie, I was incredibly jealous and very possessive, although not entirely for the wrong reasons being that he was unfaithful… But I never in a million years thought that he would get back together, in anyway, with this particular ex.

This particular ex is tied pretty closely to our relationship. He broke up with me twice to be able to get into this girls pants. Each time they dated for less than two weeks and each time, he came crawling back to me. Each time, I was stupid enough to take him back. Everytime he came back to me, she’d start calling me constantly, threatening to beat me up, as soon as I wasn’t pregnant…

Alfie and I always had a “thing”. Well really, we had a lot of “things”. But one of our most notable “things” was roses. When we first started dating, he said something along the lines of, “Of all the flowers in the garden, you are the sweetest rose”, and that was it, roses became “our thing”.

After every stay in the hospital, after every fight and after every child, even when he proposed, I got 13 red roses. And every rose I ever received had it’s petals carefully picked after dying and stayed stored in a bag our entire relationship. For one of our anniversaries, he got me a silver rose that was engraved. It was a big deal.

When Alfie and his ex hooked up the second time, he gave her my rose…

This particular ex left a seriously sour taste in my mouth and after Alfie and I broke up the final time, she decided she was over Alfie and tried to become my friend. It’s been a rather unsuccessful journey for us, though I have babysat her kids and we are Facebook friends. We agreed, her and I, that Alfie would be off limits to us both from now on. Alfie agreed that she would be off limits.

I mean, I wrote my best and most saddest song about this particular ex…

So, to not only catch him trying to hook up with her, but also to get the information straight from her before him, seriously broke my heart. I spent an entire day and a half in a deep, dark funk. The amount of disrespect I feel he has for me is just so intense to me.

He tried to compare it to The Boyfriend and I, because The Boyfriend used to be his friend. That’s how I met The Boyfriend, through Alfie. And Alfie had always feared that The Boyfriend and I would get together. It was his worst nightmare coming true. However, before anything even began to happen between The Boyfriend and I, before we even began flirting with each other, I went to Alfie (even though I didn’t have to, he had broken up with me) and asked him how he would feel if The Boyfriend and I hooked up or started dating. I asked him for permission to make any advancements with The Boyfriend and he said yes.

I have outright said no, and I’ve asked so freaking nicely.

He made it sound like he understood and like he wasn’t going to do anything. But then she called… She called my phone… He said that he couldn’t come over just yet because he was planning on taking the kids to breakfast. I went and got the kids early from Grandma’s so that they could spend the day with their Dad. Turns out, it was only breakfast. The moment that was done, he was off to her. Except he couldn’t remember her address, so after leaving for an hour, he was back on my doorstep asking if he could use my phone to message her. Like a sucker, I let him…

We are so civil to each other when we’re around one another. It feels like we’ve both moved on and away from hatred and bitterness. But his actions this weekend feel like utter contempt for me. And I have to wonder what the hell I ever did to him to make him hate me so much? To make him disrespect me so blatantly?

I’m more or less over the whole thing now, assuming it was just a booty call and doesn’t become a relationship – because that, I don’t think I can deal with at all. Mainly because I can’t stand the concept of that particular ex being my baby’s step-mom. I actually already know that will have negative effects on absolutely everyone, and most especially him.

Advertisements

Series of Amazing Days

I love when a series of days just goes so well. I mean, it hasn’t been perfect. The kids have been beyond irritating these last couple of days, mainly the boys. They have too much energy, too much strength, too much sudden emotion – it’s freaking exhausting. But save for the boys being brats, it’s been wonderful.

First, the weather has been blissful. It’s been hot, the sun has been shining bright and even though we all get a little bitchy about the heat at night, it’s so great. We’ve been desperate to get out of the house a lot, although it’s not being as easy as we’d like with The Boyfriend and his sleep schedule right now.

Today, we decided to wake up early and hit the beach. Best day ever! We missed our turn and ended up having to take a detour to The Boyfriend’s old hometown and he always enjoys doing that so much. He loves to show off all his favorite teenage haunts. Then, we got to the beach and almost immediately the kids were in the water.

The Boyfriend and I built sand castles together and then separately. He always gets a huge kick out of it, I never seem to be able to realize my vision. I had more fun tearing mine down than putting it up. We played at the beach for a good two hours and then headed back home.

The Boyfriend went for his sleep when we got home and the kids sat down to watch some Netflix quietly. Within thirty minutes, everyone but Kaeidyn was falling asleep where they sat. Keirnan and I dozed off for a good two hours, Kenzie slept almost the rest of the night and Carter probably slept for about an hour. It was amazing!!

The Boyfriend just has tonight left and then he’s got two days off. I’m so looking forward to getting a good night of sleep next to my man. I plan to go to bed early so that the night goes by faster. Hopefully we have more amazing series of days this summer.

Ranting About Sleep and Blogging

I seriously need to put an end to this crazy sleep schedule The Boyfriend and I are currently on. As I write this post, it is 4 AM in the morning. I woke up at 1 PM yesterday and haven’t slept yet and at the rate we’re going, it doesn’t look like we’re going to sleep for a bit yet.

For him, it makes sense. He’s gearing up for graveyards, he’s on holidays. But me… I mean, yes, I am a total night owl but this is just not natural…

It doesn’t help that all my creative energy decides to start flowing best after 2 AM and it doesn’t help that late at night is the only time that there aren’t a bunch of kids making a bunch of noise and it definitely doesn’t help that The Boyfriend and I can so easily go on for hours and hours and hours after what should reasonably be our bedtime.

At least when I stay up late like this, it’s not like I’m just sitting around doing nothing. I’m getting tons and tons and tons done. I’m getting so much done online that it’s a little bit ridiculous. I’m checking things off my virtual to-do list before they even make it on there. And I wish I could say that it felt good, but I just keep thinking I’m forgetting something and I definitely keep thinking I should be doing more.

Then I kick myself in the ass for even beginning to think like that. I told myself I wouldn’t. It always happens this way too. I spend a lot of time on my computer stuff. The things that I absolutely need to get done on the computer, such as The Erotic Writers Group’s #WritingChallenges for #EroticWriters, can sometimes take me up to six hours and that happens at least twice a week, not to mention the good two hours I spend every day on it. And I haven’t even begun to factor in my own personal blogging goals, which always come secondary to the group.

So I start to think that I’m working a full-time job here, I should start figuring out how to monetize it in some way, especially being that there is so much that I still want to do and so much of it requires money. I should host a Kickstarter campaign, I should sell eBooks, I should make products and use affiliate links and… and… and…

And then I remember, that is exactly why I took my last blogging hiatus and every blogging hiatus I’ve ever taken. It’s too much pressure, too much to think about, too much on top of everything else.

One day, I’ll have a team of people who will help me fundraise and help me sell books and blah blah blah, but for today, I just need to focus on the content, focus on the community, focus on the blogging and forget about all the other stuff.

It’s Slowing Down…

I knew that my streak of productive days would come to a crashing halt eventually. It lasted longer than I expected it to and it’s not even that I’m not being as productive, it’s just not being as focused on being productive.

I missed a post this week. I didn’t realize it until the next day. I have all these reminders set all over the place and somehow I ended up missing this one entirely. It was the first sign that something was up, because I hadn’t needed any of the reminders I had set up until right then!

Then, I cleaned the house. The kids and I worked for at least 2 hours on cleaning. Since no one could agree on what they wanted to do for jobs, we drew them from a hat and each kid got a specific job. That resulted in a lot of tears and the whole time Keirnan cleaned up the small mess in the bathroom, he whined and whined. All in all, they did a really great job. One thing that I’m noticing about keeping my house cleaner is that it seems like it gets dirtier so much faster.

I decided today to start clearing up my browser. I use Chrome and lately all my bookmarks and extensions are becoming a terrible mess. At some point, I had two different accounts connected and it’s got stuff from both accounts and it’s just a confusing jumble of stuff. I have my most used stuff out front and center, but there is a whole host of disorganization upon further inspection.

However, clearing up my browser and making it so that it’s all pretty and organized turned into a traumatic experience that I am quickly trying to forget, because it just makes me want to throw my hands up. I discovered accounts I had forgotten that I had and emails that I no longer know the passwords to and just ugh… Darn me for having so many fleeting interests over the years!

I also spoilt myself a little with some game stuff. I bought the new “game pack” for The Sims 4 and although I played for a couple hours earlier today, never actually got around to trying it out. Then, got some other game points and bought myself Hotel Giant 2, which I have been wasting a large amount of time on, as I knew I would when I bought it. I figure the kids and The Boyfriend have been gaming it up a lot lately, I might as well join that.

Other than that, this past week has been mostly boring. I’ve felt like I’m lagging a lot. My sleep feels like it’s all out of whack, even though I can’t figure out how exactly. I’m hoping that as it turns into spring and the sun starts setting and rising at a normal hour that my sleep will start to straighten out a little bit. Too much longer of this and I think it’s going to start seriously affecting my mood.

Expected the Worse for Nothing

So, for all my moaning, the Christmas concert was actually a big success. I spent all day yesterday in an absolutely state of funk, just dreading what was ahead of me. The kids started getting ready ridiculously early and all looked so cute dressed up in their ties and dress shirts and dresses.

Kaeidyn was really upset with me right before we left. She tried walking out of the house wearing my high heel shoes. If they fit her properly, I probably wouldn’t have stopped her. But they’re about 3 sizes too big for her and honestly, a little inappropriate looking for a 10-year-old. I told her she wasn’t wearing them and for the rest of the night, the only response I got from her was pouting.

We arrived at the school with half an hour or so to spare before the concert got started. I ended up being incredibly grateful for it, because I got my choice in seats, the kids were all in their classrooms before the concert even started and all in all, it went rather smoothly.

Carter was up first. I already knew going into it which songs they were performing, but I wasn’t expecting him to whip out bells and start ringing them during his performance. As he’s up there singing and rocking out with his bells, brought a little tear to my eye. It’s hard to believe that I no longer have any babies…

I went and picked him up from his class during intermission and we both came back to the spots I had saved us and the next performance was Kenzie. Kenzie has gotten really into singing lately, and I swear you could hear him at the back of the gym. Then, it was Keirnan and he was happy to put on a show. The second part of the concert concluded with Kenzie and Keirnan singing in the choir and Carter absolutely loved watching their performance.

Last, but definitely not least, Kaeidyn was up. Both Carter and I were getting pretty restless by this point and he would not sit still for anything. As usual, Kaeidyn was perfection. She stood elegantly through her entire performance, she sang loud and proud and you could even see her encouraging her friends on either side of her. She sure is growing into quite the little girl.

The hardest part of the night was walking home in the dark of 8:30 with the wind whistling and the temperature being at least -25. My nose felt cold for hours after getting home. Two of the kids were grumpy and tired, so there was lots of whining and two of them were active and running all over the place, so there was lots of frustration coming from me. But we made it home and all in all, it was a great night.

Almost as soon as we got home, the kids had to go to bed because they still had school today. It was probably the fastest all four of them have fallen asleep at one time. While I waited for The Boyfriend to get home, I continued watching Nip/Tuck, which I recently started on Netflix, along with Grey’s Anatomy – both shows I never watched when they were on TV.

We didn’t get to bed until sometime around 3 AM, something that has been a common theme this week, as The Boyfriend’s been working lots of late night shifts. It’s hard to fall asleep at a decent hour when he doesn’t get home until midnight. And yes, I could technically go to bed before he gets off work, but it’s just not how we’ve ever rolled. Then, when we did go to bed, it took me a really long time to fall asleep. I just could not get comfortable, he was being a huge bed hog and sleep was just not coming easy for me.

By the time I did fall asleep, I felt like it was only minutes until I was up dealing with the kids as each one of them appeared at my bedroom door asking various questions. Once they left, I feel asleep really easily and ended sleeping over half the day away. When I did get woken up, to the sound of Carter talking to Minecraft, I couldn’t believe I had slept that long. Slowly dragged my butt out of bed and here I am.

Tomorrow, we’re heading down to my Mom’s for dinner. Not only am I looking forward to it because of delicious dinner and time with family, but we’re also planning on doing our Christmas shopping. The Boyfriend, for some reason, is very excited about it. I think it’s probably because he works where we’re shopping and therefore already has a plan on what he’s getting everyone. I hope that’s why anyways, because I have no idea what to get anyone for Christmas…

And now, it’s Christmas break, so two weeks with the kids. It should be interesting 😉

Early Day – Not Sure How I Feel…

The Boyfriend and I had vowed last night to go to bed early and wake up early. We’ve actually vowed this almost every single night for at least a week, although we’ve failed miserably everyday so far. We almost failed last night too, when we claimed we would watch some TV at 10 PM and be in bed by midnight. 10 PM rolled around and we were both heavily into our separate activities and so time continued to tick on. By 2 AM, we were finally heading up to bed.

Sleeping did not come easy. It was too hot and then it was too cold. The kids have all been going in and out of being sick these last few days and I’m almost sure I’ve caught some part of one of their colds. I felt stuffed up and like I needed to cough but couldn’t. To make it all worse, The Boyfriend was being an epic bed hog, even after I asked him to move over three times. Sleep came very easily for him…

Once I did fall asleep, it was a very sound sleep. Until sometime before my alarm went off this morning, when I was awoken to the shrill sounds of my daughter’s voice as she screamed at the boys to get ready. I don’t know why she does this. On a day when they wake up with my alarm, they have an hour to get ready for school in the morning. Today, they had to have at least an hour and a half. No matter, she gets up right away and immediately starts screaming at everyone to get ready. Most mornings, I come down and tell her she needs to relax, because boys don’t take that long to get ready.

So, as I kick my feet and moan at the frustration of being woken up like this for yet another day, The Boyfriend says “Roll and let me snuggle you for half an hour”. He had to work this morning, we vowed to be up early. Half an hour more wasn’t going to ruin that. I rolled and began to get all comfy as he pressed his warm skin against my back and wrapped his arm around my body. And as my eyes began to close, I had a mini freak out about how this half an hour sleep was going to completely ruin my vow to be up early. Then, she screamed again.

In a huff, I rolled and kicked my feet once more. I sat up and insisted that we ditch the idea of sleeping in any later. It took forever for us to actually leave our bed, but we were up before 8 AM today and made it downstairs shortly after 8:30. So vow, completed. It was not easy, it was not pretty and I’m still not sure that I’m completely awake, but it’s done.

I want to be the type of person who finds this waking up thing to be a little easier. I want to wake up in the morning, not the afternoon. I want to go to bed at a decent enough hour that I’m still getting at least the required amount of sleep. I want to go to bed feeling tired and wake up in the morning feeling refreshed. Instead, I just feel wiped out all the time and sleep half the day away…

I always think back to my pre-14-year-old morning routine. I used to easily wake up at 4 AM every single day of the week. I’d do an hour long workout with Alyssa Milano’s Teen Steam (because it was the only video I owned and basically, I just needed background sound) and then it would be an hour in a nice hot bath. Then, the rest of the morning would be dedicated to catching up on any homework I had to do for school that day. I loved that morning routine so much and I want it back bad. Not necessarily the 4 AM and not necessarily Teen Steam, but you know what I mean!!

I just need to get on it and create a routine, because this is driving me nuts…

A Brain Like Quantum Physics

I had inteneded to write so many different types of posts during my birthday week and I drafted about 5 or 6 starts to posts. I was in a terrible funk during the week of my birthday and then when that funk finally broke, I ended up getting sick. Some type of sinus-like infection – caused the whole right side of my face to swell up.

Needless to say, my computer (along with just about everything else) has been more than neglected…

I’ve also been getting these wicked migraines a lot lately. They come out of nowhere and the only thing that seems to get rid of them at all is sleep. Unfortunately, my sleep has been all over the place. I still seem to be having the worst time falling asleep at night, but the second the daylight hits, no issues with my sleep whatsoever (save for the children…).

Speaking of children, I get to get rid of three out of four of the kids for the weekend. I am so excited! The older three are heading out to their Dad’s and I honestly couldn’t be more relieved. It’s been a better week than most with the kids, but I could definitely use a nice relaxing break from them. Especially being that they all seem to be going through this big bad attitude thing right now that is so difficult to deal with.

The Boyfriend works the entire time the older ones will be gone and that’s kind of unfortunate – it’s never as much fun as it is when he has a day or two off. He’s been working a lot lately too, staying much later than ever before. We knew it was bound to happen with his promotion and with it gearing up for Christmas, it’s a non-stop constant thing for him. He takes so much pride in it all too, that most of the time that he’s home is spent thinking about work.

Things between him and I seem to be all over the place lately. And not on his part, but on mine.

One moment, I feel utterly and passionately, deeply in love with him. Like he’s the King of the World and could do no wrong. Then the next moment, I fell utterly and passionately disappointed in him, like he’s a crappy boyfriend and that we need to immediately end this relationship. I hate those moments – especially being that I can’t even figure out what the heck is causing them, I can’t figure out why I suddenly switch to such vile hatred, I can’t figure any of it out.

And I just totally wrote a lie… I’ve done nothing but try to figure it out and I have a buttload of answers. I have a buttload of petty, stupid, irrational answers. And then I spend all my time arguing with myself because are they really petty, stupid and irrational? I guess that’s just a matter of perspective. And I’m a person who can relatively easily imagine things from someone else’s perspective, which makes the internal argument I’ve been having with myself since my last rut that much more complex and difficult.

It’s not even because of anything that he’s doing. Any way that he’s being. It’s because of all the things he’s not doing and all the ways he’s not being and all the things he’s not saying…

It’s all been made worse by the addition of another year to my age. It’s so hard to explain any of all of this to a person who is not inside of my brain. Explaining my brain is like trying to explain quantum physics… It’s all so complicated, because there’s a lot of stuff bumbling around up there.

One day I’ll figure out how to explain it. Today is not that day. So I figure I’ll leave it at this…

It’s All in My Head…

My sleep has just absolutely been sucking lately. I’ve managed to give myself a wicked headache almost every night before sleep for about a week now and waking up is just about the most impossible thing in the world for me right now.

The worst part of it all is the way that The Boyfriend is dealing with it. And I’m so unsure how to respond. I haven’t had this many sleeping issues since back when Alfie and I were still together. And when I’d sleep past noon and let the cleaning go by the wayside, it would be days and days of yelling and screaming, name-calling and on top of my own beating up of myself, there was his as well.

The Boyfriend on the other hand, comes upstairs and kisses me gently awake. It takes me a long time to respond to those kisses. I roll away from him, I stay asleep, and he’ll sit in the bed next to me playing on his cellphone. Then, when he’s officially ready to be done waiting, he’ll light a smoke. I often begin to stir, because the smell of smoke when I’m sleeping makes me immediately worry about fire. Then, when I begin the beating up myself for sleeping in past noon, he’ll wrap his arms around me and is the most comforting, “Oh, we don’t mind. It’s okay. You must’ve been really tired, because you didn’t flinch at all.”

A couple days back was a perfect example. I had planned the day before that we would wake up early the next day. The house is still mostly clean, but I wanted to get up early and just do some touchups. But the next morning, he was up early and I just could not open my eyes. When I did wake up, after noon, I immediately started in, “I can’t believe I slept that late.” and a whole bunch of profanities and negativity and he said, “It’s not like the house is that messy, so it’s no big deal that you slept in. If I were worried about it, I would’ve made sure you were awake.”.

My heart is so grateful to him and his wonderfulness and his understanding and his compassion and his support. My head is absolutely confused by it and also hates it all a little bit. So between my head and my heart, there’s a pretty big argument going on.

The rut that I’ve been in is not going away and I would argue that it’s getting worse. I seem to get through most of my day without being really aware of the feelings and then once the kids go to bed, I’m just bombarded with negative thoughts and feelings. I spent the night last night shushing myself to sleep, because my brain would just not stop making noise.

I’m refusing to call it anything close to depression, especially being that it’s not like any of my previous depressions. I’m still able to find stuff funny, I’m still able to laugh when my kids are being ridiculously adorable and I’m still interested in all my hobbies. The only part of it all that seems like depression is the very negative self-talk, the constant reeling of my brain and this overwhelmingly stressed out feeling. And a couple mini panic attacks, over things like cops parked outside of the house or the wind blowing just a little too hard.

Otherwise, it just feels like being kind of stuck. Can’t make any moves or do much of anything, just have to stay still. I call it a rut for exactly that reason. It’s like I was walking along one day and then I stepped down and fell into a rut. And now I’m trying to figure out how to dig my way out of it. And once I do, everything will be fine.

I keep thinking that I’m making some progress. Especially on those days when the waking up isn’t so hard, when the getting up and getting things done seems possible, it feels like I’m beginning my way out of it. And then the stupidest little things will throw me back down to the bottom of the rut and I have to start all over again. Lately, that stupid little thing is my sleeping habits.

I keep saying to myself, “Just get up. You just have to get up. It’s not that hard. One foot in front of the other. Get up!” and then I immediately feel like an idiot, because if it was just that simple, don’t you think I would do that. It always reminds me of the only time I’ve ever yelled at a doctor. She was going off about how I could “choose to be happy” and this was at the worst parts of my depression. I stood up and yelled at her, “If I could CHOOSE to be HAPPY, don’t you think I would?!? Why the hell else would I be here?!?”.

It’s a complicated time for me. Especially being that this is the first time I’ve ever experienced one of these situations without some kind of obvious trigger. Normally, this type of rut is brought on by finances or external stress, too much on my plate or relationships – something. But no matter how hard I search, I just can’t seem to find the thing that is keeping me here, in this perpetual rut. The only thing I keep coming back to is me. It’s all in my head. I’ve never experienced that before…

All-Nighter and Busy Day Off

The Boyfriend and I are notorious for planning to wake up early on his day’s off. And every single time we make the plan, it’s the one morning that the kids decide to be perfect angels and let us sleep in ridiculously late. The likelihood of us waking up early on a day that we plan to do just that is absolutely a zero…

To combat this, we will decide, rather spontaenously that instead of worrying about the planning and the sleeping in, that we’ll just pull an all-nighter and that way we can be sure to be up at those early hours we originally planned for. Tonight, is one of those nights…

We have a ridiculously insane day planned for tomorrow and I’m sure that this all-nighter is going kick my butt for a good week, but I cannot let another day go to absolute waste. We had plans to get some of this stuff done today but then all our plans fell apart and we only have tomorrow left to get it done before The Boyfriend goes back to work and I’m left to do it alone – something I’m looking forward to less than the week of bruised bottom…

First, back-to-school shopping. I’m sure I’ve moaned about this whole school thing so much already, but that’s exactly how much I’m dreading it… We took the four confusing lists and combined them into one epicly long and confusing list. The kids really want to come with us and The Boyfriend really doesn’t want them to come with us – so I’m feeling a little torn as the tie-breaker. Plus, all that money…

Then, dinner at my Mom’s, which I’m absolutely looking forward to. It’s the Sunday that I get roast and mashed potatoes and gravy – and that the kids get kicked outside and I don’t have to worry about them leaving the yard, and that I get to play guitar!! I’m so excited 😉

Finally, we have to come home and clean! clean! clean! No seriously, we must clean! This, I am not so excited about. Especially being that I’ve done so much of it already this week! But I want to do a super good deep clean. Like an in-my-oven type of clean…

I imagine The Boyfriend and I will make it home after dinner and then pass out…