Ranting About Sleep and Blogging

I seriously need to put an end to this crazy sleep schedule The Boyfriend and I are currently on. As I write this post, it is 4 AM in the morning. I woke up at 1 PM yesterday and haven’t slept yet and at the rate we’re going, it doesn’t look like we’re going to sleep for a bit yet.

For him, it makes sense. He’s gearing up for graveyards, he’s on holidays. But me… I mean, yes, I am a total night owl but this is just not natural…

It doesn’t help that all my creative energy decides to start flowing best after 2 AM and it doesn’t help that late at night is the only time that there aren’t a bunch of kids making a bunch of noise and it definitely doesn’t help that The Boyfriend and I can so easily go on for hours and hours and hours after what should reasonably be our bedtime.

At least when I stay up late like this, it’s not like I’m just sitting around doing nothing. I’m getting tons and tons and tons done. I’m getting so much done online that it’s a little bit ridiculous. I’m checking things off my virtual to-do list before they even make it on there. And I wish I could say that it felt good, but I just keep thinking I’m forgetting something and I definitely keep thinking I should be doing more.

Then I kick myself in the ass for even beginning to think like that. I told myself I wouldn’t. It always happens this way too. I spend a lot of time on my computer stuff. The things that I absolutely need to get done on the computer, such as The Erotic Writers Group’s #WritingChallenges for #EroticWriters, can sometimes take me up to six hours and that happens at least twice a week, not to mention the good two hours I spend every day on it. And I haven’t even begun to factor in my own personal blogging goals, which always come secondary to the group.

So I start to think that I’m working a full-time job here, I should start figuring out how to monetize it in some way, especially being that there is so much that I still want to do and so much of it requires money. I should host a Kickstarter campaign, I should sell eBooks, I should make products and use affiliate links and… and… and…

And then I remember, that is exactly why I took my last blogging hiatus and every blogging hiatus I’ve ever taken. It’s too much pressure, too much to think about, too much on top of everything else.

One day, I’ll have a team of people who will help me fundraise and help me sell books and blah blah blah, but for today, I just need to focus on the content, focus on the community, focus on the blogging and forget about all the other stuff.

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Time for the Neglect to End!

I have been neglecting The Erotic Writers Group and our #WritingChallenges for two weeks now. I hate it and I’m ready for the neglect to end!

I’m blaming it on a few different things. First, the massive amount of graveyard shifts The Boyfriend has been working lately. I think he’s up to four so far. I guess it’s part of preparing him for full-time graveyards or something, since he’ll be going to that sometime near his birthday. I cannot tell you how unhappy I am about it and yet, how happy I am for him about it.

I know he really liked working graveyards. He also seemed to be able to progress through the ranks faster when he was working graveyards, whereas on days, he’s been stuck for a really long time. I know that for him, graveyards is a better deal. So, I’m happy for him but I’m dreading the whole graveyard thing…

It screws with my sleep so much. I stay up later on nights before he works, getting ready for the shift with him. I sleep later because as long as he’s still in bed, I stay in bed. I need to get to a place where I can just carry on as if he’s not working graveyards… Maybe that will come after the first 3 months or so…

I’ve also been busy offline, trying to keep the house clean. It is not being an easy task at all. Now that we’re cleaning more often it seems like the house is getting dirtier so much faster. It’s truly exhausting and I have officially decided that when I win the lottery (after I start playing), my first mission is to get a housemaid, because I’d like to retire from the duty of cleaning altogether.

I made the boys cleaning out the toy box yesterday and you cannot believe how much that seemed to cheer me up. Getting rid of all the broken and mismatched toys was just about the best thing ever. However, now they’ve discovered toys they haven’t seen in months from the bottom of the toybox and so toys are strewn everywhere right now. It’s a bit of a pain, but it’s one of those ones that you end up being grateful for.

So, my goal this weekend is to get back to our #WritingChallenges for #EroticWriters, complete a project that I’ve been working on for about a week (and that I’m keeping mum about it until it’s done) and keep my living room clean for the whole weekend! Plus, I’ve got dinner down at my Mom’s, where I plan to play guitar for at least 2 hours. So, YAY for the weekend!!

Anyone got any big plans for Valentine’s Day?

Submissions, Cleaning and Reading

Even though I had the hardest time getting out of bed this morning and even though it took me forever and a day to stop feeling groggy (even though, I’m still not sure that I entirely do…) and even though I had planned to just veg in front of my computer all day, today ended up being a super great get-things-done day.

Tonight is the last night to get your submissions in for The Erotic Writers Group #WritingChallenges for #EroticWriters. I was determined, no matter what, I was going to put in at least one submission. And, I did!!

I was inspired by one of the #WritingPrompts (this one) and although I totally hadn’t intended this entire piece to be about what it is, I spent 1000 words on Mary’s Nails – the first piece on my writing blog that isn’t technically for a submission to the challenges. Then, I wrote my first song since “The Tree” and have plans to eventually put some music to it and maybe make it a real thing, but for now, it’s just the lyrics. Deeper Into Me was a submission for this week’s #SaturdaySerenade.

Then, I suddenly decided we were going to completely clean the upstairs of our house. Generally, the upstairs stays really clean all the time. The Boyfriend and I have been spending more awake time in our room, so our room was needing a cleaning. The kids started off being pretty terrible but by the end of it, they were working so well that I even got them to do some extra cleaning downstairs.

Now my entire upstairs and living room are clean!

Then, I came back on the computer and got tons more done than I had expected to get done and it all seemed ridiculously easy. I’m hashing out stuff like crazy and I am loving it! It always feels good to get the bulk of your work done in less time than you expected to, especially being that it means I get to spend so much more time doing other things.

At some point tonight, I plan on getting some reading done because I’m very close to done my first book of 2015, Mary Wood-Allens’s What Young Women Ought to Know. It’s being quite the interesting read and more than once have I interrupted The Boyfriend’s gaming to read him passages from the book. My favorite rule presented by Mary is that girls should never run up and down the stairs. It’s been a running joke this week between The Boyfriend and I.

I always hate that he never reads any of the books that I read. But at least he pays enough attention to what I’m reading to be able to have running jokes with me!

Well, that’s my day in a nutshell. What was your day like? Do anything special this week?

Phew!

I have been having a fairly productive week. Even my house is cleaner than it normally is by a Thursday and I am all caught up on what was an insanely long to-do list, at least for a day or two. It’s been pretty nice!

On Monday, my brother, who I haven’t seen for some time, came back into town. He is doing splendidly living out in BC and it’s been great getting to spend some time with him. The only thing that would make it even better is if I got to spend some time with my sister too! It’s been really nice having him around, I missed him so much.

I’ve been working really hard on The Erotic Writers Group stuff and have managed to publish three blog posts and keep up on all our #WritingChallenges for #EroticWriters and generally, I’m getting tons done where that is concerned. I’m feeling really good about that. I was so worried that I wouldn’t get anything done when I said I would and that I would be so bogged down by it all that I wouldn’t want to do it. But, I’ve actually been surprising myself frequently with my dedication and motivation right now.

The Boyfriend went back to work today after a great three days off. He has a couple overnight shifts this week too which should be interesting. He used to work graveyards all the time and it was the worst thing in the world. I absolutely hated him working graveyards, specifically because of the kids, but also because I used to sketch out really bad at night.

He quit graveyards sometime after Carter was born, after I basically told him, “You quit or we’re done”. Then, when he got promoted, it was part of the promotion that every couple of months he has to do a couple nights of graveyards. I always forget how much I hated it until the day before it happens, and then I remember how nervous being alone at night makes me. Don’t even know why for sure, it just does. But, he loves the graveyards, so I guess it all works out 😉

Tonight, I plan on vegging on Netflix for the night. I’ve got so many shows underway right now, plus they’re bringing out tons of new stuff that I really want to see, so I gotta get down to watching and removing stuff from my list. I’ve got 2 seasons left of Nip/Tuck, probably 8 or so of Grey’s Anatomy (both shows that I never watched on TV). They just added the 3rd season of Call the Midwife, which I’m watching with Kaeidyn. Then The Boyfriend and I are currently working our way through House and The X-Files. I’m absolutely looking forward to new seasons of Orange is the New Black and The Fall and that doesn’t even take into consideration the 30 or so movies I have saved and the massive amount of documentaries I’m holding onto.

There just isn’t enough time at all for everything!

It’s Morning!

My morning is off to a pretty great start. Look at that, I just said morning and it absolutely is. Do you know how many weeks it’s been since I said morning and it actually was morning?!?

I’m up early this morning for a bunch of different reasons. First and foremost, because it is the first day of the return of #WritingChallenges for #EroticWriters and I wanted to be sure that it all worked the way it was supposed to. So far, so good.

Then, the older kids are coming home today and will be home right around noon. If it were a normal day, I’d still be upstairs in bed sleeping with Carter at that time. I woke up when The Boyfriend went to work this morning so that I could be sure to be awake when the older kids get home. I’m surprisingly more excited than I expected about them coming home. Cannot wait for Carter to have someone else to play with!

I’ve got a lot more stuff planned for today, all mostly online stuff. I do plan on cleaning the kitchen at some point today, but we did a bunch of cleaning last night, so my offline to-do list is dramatically shorter. I want to write a buttload of blog posts, but first I need to write those of which are necessary – then I can write for fun.

I wrote a post awhile back on my bucket list that has been getting a few comments. I need to go back and update it, to make it more clear that Alfie and I are no longer together. So I’ve gotten a few comments about “you just need to (a) where your relationship with Alfie is concerned”, and it’s amazing how hard it is to respond to those ones nicely. Mainly because of all the crappy drama that went down between Alfie and I (especially in terms of that post), although we seemed to get over it well enough and are friendly with each other, so I can’t really complain about anything.

Ah, the problems of a blog-a-holic 😉

Just to clarify, for those of you who may not know, Alfie and The Boyfriend are two different people. Alfie is Kaeidyn, Kenzie and Keirnan’s Dad, The Boyfriend is Carter’s Dad. Alfie is my ex-boyfriend, The Boyfriend is my current boyfriend.

Exploding Head Syndrome

I hate that I didn’t spend more of my teenage life reading. I mean, I read quite a bit during those years. Probably just a little bit more than the average teenager, but looking back on it, I wasn’t reading the right books.

Now, not only do I have a buttload of books that I’m trying to read and want to read but I also have all these blogs that I want to read, all these FetLife posts that are super important to read, all this information to consume. And there just simply isn’t enough time in the day.

Yesterday, we went down to visit my Mom and she decided a trip to Value Village was necessary. The kids were all so excited and my thoughts immediately went to books. The last time we were at VV, I got something like 6 books for $12 and one of them was my epic Sherlock Holmes (which I’m still in the process of reading). I love the book section here. Wouldn’t you know I found more books. So now, my bookshelf which is already so full you can longer see wood, has two new-to-me additions (plus a few more kids books), Promiscuities by Naomi Wolf and ManifestA by Jennifer Baumgardner and Amy Richards.

I started with Promiscuities because I read The Beauty Myth back in highschool. I’ve always loved Naomi Wolf’s style as a writer and find her writing to be so easily consumable.

It now takes the number of books I’m reading (and this does not include any I’ve started online – except Flatland) up to 8 – 8 books at one time! Which also wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for the fact that I am certainly not dedicating enough of my life to all this reading. After realizing all this during a migraine last night and a grumpy wake up this morning, I have decided that I need to get some stuff in order.

I need to set aside a certain time each day to read my offline books – like an hour or a chapter of reading one of these 8 books every night. Then, I need to set a certain time each day to read all my online stuff – and this could potentially get up there in time, because there is just so much!

I haven’t even begun to actually follow blogs yet, just followed my followers back. I’ve taken no time at all to get comfortable with WordPress’ “Reader”, so that I can successfully do what I need to do with all the great stuff I’m reading. Everything’s just a little all over the place and I need to figure out what I need to do to change that.

I have all these plans and ideas. I want to get The Erotic Writers Group back up to full-steam by January, I want to blog about this and that thing and I want to post this and that, and I just have no focus with all these ideas bopping about in my head.

My head just feels a little bit like it’s going to explode. So much I want to do, so much that has to be done, so not enough time in the day or enough energy. Need to make some changes!

Finally Did It!

Well, it only took me forever and a day, but I finally got some stuff checked off my neverending online to-do list and I foresee a night filled with checking off more – assuming I don’t suddenly get ridiculously distracted.

My big “finally did it” moment came when I officially hit the publish button on a post asking for help with The Erotic Writers Group. It’s a pretty big step for me. I do really badly at asking for help in an online atmosphere and will often take on this, “I can do it myself” attitude. Over the years, I’ve learnt that this does not serve me well.

I often get to a point where I absolutely burn out with online work. It just becomes this overwhelming crazy thing to me and I get all caught up in the lack of things or the failure of things and can’t make myself do anything. I often walk away for extended periods of time and often times will just walk away all together – and I hate that and I want it to change.

I need a team. I need a group of people who are interested in some of these things too, so that I’m not so isolated in the backend. People who know what I’m talking about when I try to bounce ideas off of them. People to share this addiction of mine with.

Plus, I think The Erotic Writers Group is so much fun, so useful, so awesome, that I don’t want to walk away from this one. I don’t want to give up and I have so many ideas that I want to bring to life. So, I’m not ready to give up. But I’m definitely not ready to keep doing it alone, because it’s not sustainable.

I’m pretty excited to see what ends up happening from that post. It’s terrifying and awesome all at the same. We’ll see 😉

Already Almost 2015…

It’s been quite a bit since I last wrote and I left off in a rather gloomy place. Mostly, I’ve barely been getting on my computer. We’ve been quite busy over the last little bit and The Boyfriend has had a number of days home, thanks to a nasty round of colds going through the house right now, so the computer has been neglected heavily.

So, when I last wrote, I was having quite the overall issue with a terrible rut I was stuck in. At this point, I’m pretty happy to report that it’s mostly dug out of. I get a whiff of it every once and awhile, but it’s been about three days now of relative fresh air. A lot of the ranting I was doing was related to The Boyfriend and our relationship, and although we haven’t exactly dealt with anything, we have had some pretty serious conversations over the last little bit. I wrote two posts that will probably never see the light of day about those conversations, but it released a good portion of that unbearable weight I was carrying around.

We “celebrated” Carter’s birthday during this weekend that just passed, even through everyone’s grumbly coughs and runny noses. First was his actual birthday, where we gave him some Minecraft books – which he has been absolutely obsessed with. So much so that for everyday since his birthday, he’s been waking up before 6 AM to be able to play… The next day, we went to Mom’s for a big dinner and that was also a really great day – as it usually is.

Starting next week, I have quite a few plans as I am desperate to start doing stuff involving The Erotic Writers Group again. I have left it alone for quite awhile, having lost my ability to do anything during that rut, and now I’m constantly wanting to get back into it. I have a couple ideas to keep things afloat should I end up back in that rut again, so I need to hash those out and my hope is that by January 2015 we will back up and into the full swing of things – plus some additional goodies.

I have a lot of hopes and goals coming into the 2015 year and I do this almost every year, where I come up with all these things that I’m going to do better this year than last. Generally, I fail miserably and for a lot of reasons. I tend to take on too much all at once across a whole bunch of different areas of interest and I try to do it all. These last couple of years have also been rough on us in terms of our luck and hopefully we’ve done all the stuff we need to do to make that different this year.

My big one for this year though is all centered around The Erotic Writers Group. I really want to get that where I want it to be and I really want to get some extra help with it, so that it’s a more manageable project. Now I just have to figure out how I’m going to bring all these ideas to life and make the whole thing a reality. This is what I plan I do over the next couple of weeks…

Well, it’s a quick update, I know. I hope to have more to talk about in the coming days. In the meantime, thanks for your patience and until the next time 😉

In a Rut and Slacking

I’ve been slacking something fierce the last little bit. Pretty much since the last post that I did and that depressed rut has been lingering about me ever since. I wouldn’t say that I’m depressed, just that it’s there hovering around me.

I’ve been writing a lot, probably a lot more than usual. Although I tend to force out a paragraph and then the screen-staring begins and I can never bring myself to push publish. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to get all these paragraph-long drafts into something more than that, but it’s just not going anywhere.

It’s been cold, really cold, these last few days and I’ve been spending a huge portion of my day trying to hide from that. I can’t tell you how many times the house has to listen to me complain about it. I’m ready to get winter over and done with and it hasn’t even truly begun yet… It’s going to be a long couple of months!

I’m going out with my Mom tomorrow afternoon, which I’m definitely looking forward to. It’s been a bit since I got to get out of the house for anything other than errands that needed to be done, so I’m hoping it will be nice and relaxing. I have to decide what I want to do for the two hours we’ve got between dropping Carter off and picking him up, and I’m not exactly sure what I’m in the mood for. I wish we had a cooler museum or something…

I’ve been completely neglecting everything to do with The Erotic Writers Group, going on officially two weeks now. I am trying my best not to beat myself up about it but I totally am. Which I guess is better than just not caring… I have every intention of jumping back on that bandwagon and picking up exactly where we left off, but I’m having a hard time getting there…

I couldn’t even tell you what’s holding me back from getting anything out there, but I just kind of feel a little paralyzed every single time I try to do anything there. I go to write a blog post, paralyzed. I go to schedule up challenges, paralyzed. I go to work on ideas for other stuff related to the group, paralyzed. And I just can’t seem to get past it. Not sure why…

However, in all the stuff that I didn’t get done, I have been doing a relatively decent job in keeping up with the kids’ school work, I’ve been on The Boyfriend’s butt regularly about keeping up on the laundry, and I did finally get another photo installation up (finally!). So, three things checked off the never-ending to-do list that is my life…

I’m curious, what are some of the out-of-the-box alternative ways that you pull yourself out of a rut? How do you avoid getting trapped?

Sick and Trying to Write

First week of school done, first snowfall of the year and everyone is getting sick! Carter started two days ago with a runny nose that has now turned into a full-out cold. Kenzie started last night and I woke up this morning with a very prominent tickle in my throat. Which means that by tomorrow, I will be incapacitated to my chair under a big fluffy blanket and the most you’ll get out of me is a cough here or there.

I hate getting sick. It’s just about the worst thing. They’re always worse than you think they’re going to be, they always make you feel gross for days and just when you get over one, another one is just around the corner. It’s very depressing.

And that’s right, I said above snowfall. That dreadful white stuff, which we weren’t supposed to get, started falling and ever since the weather has been some slushy rain coldness. Needless to say, it’s been freezing cold and none of us were prepared for it. Stupid Alberta…

Not too much else has been going on. I got through another bunch of chapters of Brave New World and am enjoying the story immensely so far (also started a story inspired by it…). The Boyfriend and I worked our butts off the other day to get the kitchen clean, even pulling out the fridge – which was definitely needed! Other than that, it’s mostly be computer time for me.

Lots of The Sims 3 being played, tons getting done for The Erotic Writers Group and have spent the last couple of days testing out Scrivener. It was suggested by the group and so far, I’m liking it for organizing story pieces. I’m still setting up all my folders and backend stuff, so that I get into the crunch of writing some of The Brighton Tales, because seriously, I am so ready for this story to be out of my head, on paper, for consumption.

I’m having a really difficult time on choosing a name for the female slave in this story, which is making the writing much more difficult. Up until now, I’ve mostly just referred to her by pronouns and when I’ve written something that requires a name, I’ll just little brackets, because I’m not exactly sure what I want to call her. I know that I want her to have a normal “Brighton” name (although, what is that even?!?) and then she gets called the same thing as all the other slaves once she’s ritually taken by Atticus. What to call her, hell, even what to call the slaves – haven’t quite figured that out yet…

Slaves are even the wrong word to use for those in service to the Kingdom of Brighton. I hate when the words trip you up on the writing!