10 Times My Kids Were Hilarious!

Over the years on social media, I have tracked various funny or quirky things that my kids have said. Tonight, I was going through old Facebook and Twitter posts and among a variety of great gems (like this shot), I found some seriously funny things.

So, I thought it would be fun to share with you 10 times that my kids made me laugh out loud.

  1. Not Sure What “Dagged” Means

  2. Don’t Mess With the Bacon

  3. For When Barbie Goes Ziplining

  4. I Keep Saying “Definition of Insanity”…

  5. Turn on the Lights

  6. Kids, Dating and Breakups

  7. Sprite or Water on the Face

  8. He Claims “I Help!”

  9. A Variation of “Who’s on First”

  10. Exciting Attitude Girl

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The Cleaning Never Ends

I’ve been having this problem for days now. Everyday when I wake up, the first thing I do is open my computer. Facebook, Twitter, FetLife and Google+ get opened first and sometimes this can take a little bit. I try not to get stuck on any one of them but instead try to hop back and forth between them. If I focus for too long, I start thinking too much.

Then I pop open WordPress and check through the stats on my blog(s). I check and see which posts, if any, are doing really good. I respond to any comments and then I often go to write. Usually, I just write and write and write until I feel content and then I hit publish without much thought. If I were writing this for you, dear reader, I might edit or spend more time on it. But I’m writing this for me, so… My standards are pretty low 😉

However, lately (I’m blaming it on my graveyard brain still), I just can’t seem to write anything that makes much sense. It all just reads back like gibberish to me…

https://plus.google.com/+ValerieRayne13/posts/DUAe8ef8i9y

We’ve been doing a lot of cleaning this week. Maybe even longer. It’s gotta be the warmer weather or something, but it is being just about the most challenging thing ever. I cannot get over how much time I’ve spent cleaning, how much effort everyone seems to be putting in, and how little of a change it seems to make.

It would all make more sense if we moved around the house more. But, we really don’t. I have my spot on the couch and a little table beside me. The Boyfriend sits right next to me and Carter normally right next to him. The older kids either sit on the floor or on the other couch. When they move, the only places they go are outside or up to their rooms. So, what I want to know, is how, if no one is spending time in the kitchen, how my kitchen always ends up as the messiest place in the house.

It would even make sense if we were cooking dinner in our kitchen on a regular basis, but recently, we’ve been ordering out a lot. We’ve been getting things you pop into the oven without any dishes. We’ve not been using our kitchen enough for it to make sense for there to be the mess that seems to be there everytime I wake up… It’s like destructive toddler elves are sneaking into our house while we sleep…

I am honestly so jealous of people with clean houses. I wish it were for lack of effort, because at least when it was that, I didn’t feel so terribly about the messes. But now, working my butt off day after day to keep some semblance of tidiness, and having it all be for naught, I just feel utterly ashamed of it. I don’t know how anyone ever has done this at any point of time… And I am so jealous of the people who can.

All that being said, I know from experience that the only way to get through it all is to just keep cleaning and just keep smiling. I’m doing everything in my power to ensure that I don’t let the constant repetitiveness get me down, because if I don’t keep on the messes, I’m terrified to find out what I’ll wake up to next!!! Plus, I know that eventually it will pass and it won’t seem so hard for at least a little while.

I’m going to say it’s weather-related and it’s the adjusting to a new season. Once we’re fully into Spring, it’ll be fine and then when we transition into Summer, it’ll get a little out of control again and then it’ll be fine. That thought brings me a great deal of comfort.

Well, I know that there’s tons more to write about but my brain is now officially on cleaning, so I might as well get up and start that before I have to go get all the brats from school. Hoping the sunshine sticks around for my walk.

We Sexted!!!

I love how, even after seven years of being together, The Boyfriend can still leave my mouth gaping in shock. I love how, even after a thousand and one sexual encounters, we can still have ones that just absolutely blows my mind.

I lay down, getting ready to watch a show and then go to sleep, when The Boyfriend texts me.

“I wish you drove. You could come by at lunch for a quickie. How awesome would that be?”

And I burst out laughing at the total unexpected-ness of it. Since when does my boyfriend even consider quickies?!?

So I respond, “Where would we sneak off to?”

Next thing you know, for the first time ever in our relationship, The Boyfriend and I are sexting. Now, I’m not new to sexting, he totally is. But this particular night, I felt like he was stealing my sexting virginity more than I was stealing his.

This experience was so much not like any other that I have ever had, in regards to technology and sex (sexting, cybering, camming, etc.). I mean, first and foremost, I’ve never done any of those things with people I was in relationships with. That right there completely changed the experience for me. Half the time, all I’d ever seen of the person was what they revealed online – so again, a big change.

But I just could not get over the fact that that was my boyfriend on the other end of the phone. I knew that he would be skillful with his words, because he does enjoy writing, but I didn’t expect him to be so good with the erotic words. I didn’t think he’d be good at setting up a scene, but I was so wrong.

For the first time ever in a sexting experience, I was not the one in control of the whole thing. Normally, I’m the one describing the scene, I’m the one using the sexy words, and the other person is responding with “Mm hmm” and other filler words. Not this time. I was the filler and he was in total control, and I felt so awkward the entire time, even though I had a raging lady boner going on.

He sent me a picture. I could not believe it as I quickly and eagerly pressed download. Let this just sink in for a minute. My boyfriend, the vanilla, won’t-try-anything-because-somehow-it-is-all-morally-wrong, introverted, button-down shirt wearing guy, the one who says no to my every fantasy, sent me a picture while he was sexting with me.

Mind-fucking-blown!!!!

He carries on skillfully crafting the most amazing story of us, his office and his desk. He claims it’s a quickie, but describes an elaborate and loud scene of amazing foreplay and sex. He asks for a picture from me and I happily oblige. Things get a little hotter and I send him another picture.

My phone rings and he finishes the story and begs me to cum over the phone for him. I don’t even remember anything that was said but again, sensual voice, amazing words – it took no time at all. I begged him to get a video of him finishing up.

The next day, we both spent the entire day desperate to feel each other, but it was a busy day. He had to sleep, we had family around, lots of kids, there was hardly any chance for anything. We waited all day, exchanging glances and subtly rubbing up against one another, and by the time bedtime rolled around and the house quieted, we were both more than ready to go.

We both whipped off our pants as fast as possible. We had fifteen minutes before he had to leave for work. A quickie on the couch was almost as good as the quickie on the desk that he had described and we both came quickly, with just enough time for final cuddles and lots of kisses before he left for work.

The hardest part about these graveyards is adjusting our sex life to fit the new schedule. It’s great when he takes the time to connect with me, especially when it’s through sexting, in the middle of the night. I just love how even after all this time together, he can make me fall in love with all over again, because it’s just that little extra effort.

I understand that you can’t do all the kinky things for me, but can you at least try? And sexting is a great first step!

This Has Never Happened…

With The Boyfriend on graveyards and the older three kids gone to their Dad’s, we’ve been doing a lot of lazing and vegetating. For the most part, I’ve been playing The Sims 4 and listening to a lot of music.

A new expansion came out for The Sims 4, which I went crazy tweeting and Instagram-ing about, because I was incredibly excited.

View this post on Instagram

It's happening!! #TheSims4 #TS4 #Get2Work

A post shared by Valerie Rayne (@valerierayne) on

They’ve finally added some things that I’ve personally never gotten to play before. I’m relatively new to The Sims franchise for PC, and have really only had a lot of experience for consoles. So I’m getting to try my hand at a lot of things that I’ve always wanted to try in The Sims – like going to work with my sim or running a business of my own.

I even added a place of my own to The Gallery, which I don’t think I’ve ever done before. I’m working on writing up a more detailed piece on that over here.

And music…

Recently, Grooveshark updated their entire site. I’ve been using Grooveshark for quite awhile and I don’t remember how I found it or why I chose it over all the other options, but with this recent update and where it looks like it’s going, I’m glad I use it. So, I’ve been going around updating all my stuff there and this has resulted in a lot of listening.

From the two eclectic pieces that I’ve shared on Google+:

https://plus.google.com/u/0/+ValerieRayne13/posts/47Gdy5vBX6z

https://plus.google.com/u/0/+ValerieRayne13/posts/1cHvhgujb59

And the new playlists that I’ve started working on (here and here) and my favorites. I’ve just been listening and adding and creating and editing like crazy on Grooveshark.

Tomorrow the kids finally come home. I keep saying that it’s a good thing too, because maybe it will finally be quiet around here. Carter has been so talkative since they’ve been gone that it’s rarely quiet. And when he’s not talking, he’s beatboxing. And while I love both of those things greatly, it gets tired after 8 hours straight…

Then, we get to go for Easter Dinner tomorrow night and see some people we haven’t seen in years and finally, I get to see my sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew and I couldn’t be more excited about that. I only get to see them about once a year, so it’s always a pretty big deal.

Honestly, this last week and this upcoming week are probably going to end up being my favorite two weeks of this year. Lots of goodness happening, lots of lack of stress, I feel pretty darn content.

This has never happened…