All-Nighter and Busy Day Off

The Boyfriend and I are notorious for planning to wake up early on his day’s off. And every single time we make the plan, it’s the one morning that the kids decide to be perfect angels and let us sleep in ridiculously late. The likelihood of us waking up early on a day that we plan to do just that is absolutely a zero…

To combat this, we will decide, rather spontaenously that instead of worrying about the planning and the sleeping in, that we’ll just pull an all-nighter and that way we can be sure to be up at those early hours we originally planned for. Tonight, is one of those nights…

We have a ridiculously insane day planned for tomorrow and I’m sure that this all-nighter is going kick my butt for a good week, but I cannot let another day go to absolute waste. We had plans to get some of this stuff done today but then all our plans fell apart and we only have tomorrow left to get it done before The Boyfriend goes back to work and I’m left to do it alone – something I’m looking forward to less than the week of bruised bottom…

First, back-to-school shopping. I’m sure I’ve moaned about this whole school thing so much already, but that’s exactly how much I’m dreading it… We took the four confusing lists and combined them into one epicly long and confusing list. The kids really want to come with us and The Boyfriend really doesn’t want them to come with us – so I’m feeling a little torn as the tie-breaker. Plus, all that money…

Then, dinner at my Mom’s, which I’m absolutely looking forward to. It’s the Sunday that I get roast and mashed potatoes and gravy – and that the kids get kicked outside and I don’t have to worry about them leaving the yard, and that I get to play guitar!! I’m so excited 😉

Finally, we have to come home and clean! clean! clean! No seriously, we must clean! This, I am not so excited about. Especially being that I’ve done so much of it already this week! But I want to do a super good deep clean. Like an in-my-oven type of clean…

I imagine The Boyfriend and I will make it home after dinner and then pass out…

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I Love Productive Days!

It happens so rarely for me and that absolutely needs to change, but I seriously love really productive days. They just make me feel so very accomplished – even if when I’m done, I feel utterly exhausted!

Last night, I decided that I wanted to get up when The Boyfriend got up for work. And imagine how excited I was when I was awake before his alarm even went off! I waited for coffee and jumped out of bed when he got home. I had stuff to do!

So then, shortly after he left for work, I checked the first to-do on my list off of it. The kids and I walked down and registered Carter for Kindergarten (cannot believe my youngest is now in school – what am I going to do with myself?!?) and ensured the other kids were set to start. It took us just under an hour to complete the whole thing, including the walk to and from the school and this alone made me feel really really good.

Got home and sat for a little bit, debating whether or not the day was going to be a productive one or not and then, went out to the kitchen to grab a drink and next thing you know, I’m power cleaning the kitchen. Sweat was literally pouring off my nose! But, so clean!! Floor swept, walls washed, dishes done, surfaces cleaned and I’m even cleaning out the garbage can really good! Still arguing with myself about whether or not I’m going to do the oven – will most likely leave it until later on tonight, after the kids have gone to bed.

I’ve also written two blog posts so far today, with a definitive plan for a third and I even hope to get next week’s challenges all cued up (since I finished this week’s last night) – which means that I’m at least 4 days ahead of schedule on my usual challenge tasks.

The kids are even enjoying the productive day, although they are being much less productive. But they have been better behaved all day today than I’ve seen them in months and it’s just generally being a great day!

Lesson learnt today: Wake up earlier! Makes me more productive which gives me that nice accomplished feeling I love so much 😉

It All Started Over a Hashtag…

On Wednesday or Thursday, shortly after The Boyfriend and I awoke from a great sleep, I jumped on my computer as usual and through a variety of articles on Mashable discovered the #WhyWeNeedFeminism hashtag.

For quite a long time, The Boyfriend and I have been having this ongoing debate about feminism. But this hashtag changed things. We were going at it this one morning. I’ll often say to him, even prior to learning about this hashtag, “And that is exactly why we need feminism”, because he’s absolutely terrible for saying things he doesn’t exactly mean.

So this one morning, we’re hardcore in heated debate mode. And when we both feel really passionate about a topic, there’s often a lot of interrupting that goes on and usually we both just take it in stride. It’s not often that we debate on serious topics though and apparently we both take our opinions on feminism pretty seriously. As the conversation heats up, he’s trying to make a point and I say something and he booms over top of me, “Can you just be quiet and let me finish?” and I immediately apologize and let him finish.

But ever since that moment… Things have felt very weird between us. And as the days march on, it just feels weirder and weirder.

Obviously no, we’re not still debating feminism and actually I’ve avoided bringing the topic up at all because I feel like we’ve both said all there is to say. No, when he asked me to be quiet, it wasn’t rude or upsetting for either us and we continued on just as we always do in a heated debate. But the feeling between us seems to have changed – and I don’t know if I’m the only one whose noticed or if I’m just perceiving things oddly or what’s going on – but it doesn’t feel right.

Then, to add to that feeling of unease, I have been beyond sexually frustrated the last couple of weeks. Finally last night, I reached that point where I just had to say something, I couldn’t help myself. Now it’s not that I’m not getting sex at all, because I am and it’s not frustration because I haven’t orgasmed in awhile, because I have. But it’s that not right feeling following us around…

As I’m sure I’ve said somewhere at sometime, The Boyfriend has an incredibly low sex drive (and I probably would’ve never even considered dating him had I known this 6 years ago…) and rarely, very rarely, wants sex. And I have a very very high sex drive and most people know that something is definitely not right with me when I’m not thinking about sex, because I almost always am. We clash a lot over it, but we manage.

So this last week, he was on holidays. I always think going into his holidays that it’s going to be a sex-filled week and I’m always greatly disappointed. But it’s not the lack of sex that’s been frustrating me, it’s the lack of interest on his part that is getting to me. And it’s outright jealousy…

When he walks into a room, I’m immediately turned on by him, especially if he’s wearing jeans or has his shirt off. If I had a cock, I’d spring a chubbie. I’m always telling him how sexy/handsome/amazing he is and every fantasy he’s ever brought to this relationship has been realized the same day he mentions it to me. He doesn’t even have to ask for sex to get it.

I, on the other hand, can be completely naked, half-clothed, in a bra and underwear, wearing a short skirt, in whatever form I’m in, and he doesn’t even feel a twinge in his cock. No one ever tells me I’m sexy/beautiful/amazing, not even when I actively seek it out. The list of fantasies that I’ve brought to this relationship that have never been realized is extensive and most of my fantasies have been flat-out denied. I have to hint for days and days that I want sex and then when I finally do get it, he acts like he’s only doing it because he’s obligated to do it… Like it’s a chore or a job.

Then, since our feminism debate, I just feel like we’ve been completely disconnected. Like it flipped some sort of switch. I’ve felt incredibly angry at him almost all week and have been quick and easy to snap at him for no reason (which is absolutely unlike me altogether with him), he’s been tip-toeing on eggshells constantly. And I just feel a little bit like we’re spiraling out of control.

Last night, I decided that I needed one last orgasm before he went to work. He obliged and while the orgasm was great (and much needed), the build up to it felt like a completely solitary experience, even though he was lying right next to me doing all the work. When I was done, I said something a long the lines of “It just feel like you haven’t been very interested…” and then we both fell asleep.

Things just feel awkward right now. I feel off and our relationship feels off. It’s discomforting and it sucks…

Crazy Days

It’s been a pretty eventful week and it’s nowhere near over yet. Needless to say, I’ve barely been getting on the computer…

It’s been really hot here for some time now and we’ve been getting out of the house as much as possible. Mostly going down to my Mom’s, because she has a huge yard and a little pool and sprinklers and stuff for the kids to play with.

We also ended up going swimming with Alfie a few days back and that was a wicked day. I hadn’t been to G.H. Dawe since the big renovations quite awhile back and the changes that were made were fantastic. Went down two waterslides for the first time since I was 11, swam so much that my legs were absolutely mush by the end of it and even walked home in the beginnings of a pretty awesome thunderstorm.

We also had a super fun experience on Sunday. I follow the Red Deer Culture Services page on Facebook and got an update that stuff was going on down at Bower Ponds. Luckily, we don’t live far and walked down and enjoyed some traditional japanese drumming with a twist. Even though the kids were total brats almost the entire time, it was a really great day out of the house.

Tomorrow, we’ve got a beach day planned. Heading out to Gull Lake, gonna wear my “bathing suit” to a beach for the first time (worn it to the pool twice) and excited to see my man strut his stuff on the beach – which he hasn’t gotten to do in a few years. The last time he did, I was pregnant…

He’s on holiday, so we’ve made quite a few plans for the week. Mostly all stuff that just needs to get done and not necessarily vacation-esque things. I’m hoping that we’ll get the kids birth certificates ordered on Friday and we’ve gotta get some paperwork filled out before the end of the week, plus I’m hoping to finally get through the last of the laundry and get a real nice deep clean of a couple of rooms in the house. So, his holiday is more like work-at-home week.

We also need to start thinking about getting ready for the whole back-to-school debacle AND three kids have birthdays coming up, plus my birthday is in a couple months. I want to get all the organizing and planning stuff out of the way as soon as possible, so that I have less and less to do the closer we get to Christmas… And don’t even get me started on that!!!

So, there’s an update and a to-do list 😉

Back-To-School Stressors

Wow, it’s been awhile since I’ve actually published a post here. I’ve written a couple and saved them as drafts but haven’t actually published in a bit. Mostly because I’ve been feeling pretty overwhelmed.

I keep putting a lot of things on the back burner and then I feel rushed to catch up and it’s officially beginning to affect my mental well-being. I just feel stressed out all the time. And it’s not like I’m slacking on anything important, just mostly online work, but it’s very discouraging to not be able to take any of my great ideas into reality because of my lack of motivation…

It’s also been really warm and that’s putting a big stick in everything. Everyone is grumpier because of it, the kids seem to have a buttload more energy than normal and we all seem exhausted all the time from all the sweating and discomfort in the heat. I’ve been complaining about my hair a lot because it’s so long that it makes me feel hotter than it actually is.

The Boyfriend has a week of holidays coming up starting this weekend and I cannot tell you how excited I am for that. We’re hoping to get out for a beach day and I’m really hoping we’ll do one of our good old nature walks. I’m also hoping that we’ll figure out some sort of sleeping routine that will work a little better for us during that week – especially being that back to school is coming up soon.

And don’t even get me started about how stressed out all of that makes me feel. This time of year is always a really harsh time of year for me, and I always seem to forget how bad it is right up until it happens. Part of the biggest reason for it is that I would much rather homeschool my kids and I don’t and that often disappoints me. Originally, I had planned on homeschooling them but Alfie and much of my family was deadset against it. I caved (as I often did during those years) and put Kaeidyn into public school.

Then, that was just the natural progression of things from then on. A few years back, we started slacking pretty hard in terms of the kids schooling and it wasn’t until it was pointed out to me that I realized that part of the reason why we were slacking so hard is because I viewed the whole way they were being educated as such a failure on my part as a parent. To this day, I struggle with it and I notice that struggle the most as we come into the school year. But now, the kids like public school and they don’t want to be taken out of it.

It’s also Carter’s first year and first years always make me nervous. I mean, I’ve pretty much been doing them almost non-stop but it still just gets to me somehow. And I always tend to overthink the going back to school which makes me dread it even more and it’s just so much… I just have so much that I need to get done and it’s so hard to figure out what to get started with first…